IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#meat #health
Nowadays, vegetarianism is a hot topic that many people talk about and some people think that a human should stop eating
meat
 because it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 important
health
 issue. I totally disagree with
this
 notion. In
this
 essay, I will consider both sides of the argument and give my own point of view. There have many disadvantages if people eat too much
meat
.
Firstly
,
meat
 contains many saturated fats, so if someone who
consume
Change the verb form
consumes
show examples
 a large amount of
meat
, it causes many
health
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
,
such
 as cardiovascular
disease
, stroke and so on.
For example
, it is said that there have many people died from cardiovascular
disease
 every year and the main cause
to
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
this
disease
 is people consume
over dose
Correct your spelling
overdose
show examples
 of
meat
 every day.
In addition
, consuming
meat
 over the amount for a long period can cause people
b
Add the particle
to
show examples
ecome
over weigh
Correct your spelling
overweigh
show examples
. The evidence is a
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 fat of
meat
 can increase the cholesterol in
b
Add an article
the
show examples
lood.
As a result
, make us become fat and unhealthy.
On the other hand
, there
also
 have some benefits for people
e
Add the particle
to
show examples
at
meat
.
For instance
,
meat
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 the greatest level of protein which can
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 us to build up muscle.
Therefore
, people who eat
meat
which
Delete the pronoun
apply
show examples
can gain the energy to do things.
Moreover
, a
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
 and healthy diet should involve various foods, not just only vegetable or
meat
.
This
 can
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 us to take in different ingredients to makes the balance food intake. The best example is people should follow the food pyramid to ensure they have a healthy
dietry
Correct your spelling
dietary
.
Thus
,
meat
 is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 our daily
dietry
Correct your spelling
dietary
. In
conculsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
 eating
meat
 is harmful to our
health
 and it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 many
health
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
, like cardiovascular
disease
 and stroke, etc.
However
, I strongly believe that a
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 diet should
inculde
Correct your spelling
include
meat
, it helps us build the muscle and make
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
healthy
dietry
Correct your spelling
dietary
 by
follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
 the food pyramid.
Submitted by yeahkubi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: