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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types od nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. summarise the information by features, and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types od nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. summarise the information by features, and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The information in the pie charts shows the consumption of three kinds of nutrients in the meals of the
USA
Correct your spelling
US
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 people. The average percentage of these charts
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
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sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and added
sugar
Use synonyms
. Eating breakfast
pays
Correct your spelling
plays
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 an important role in body metabolism. Nearly 43% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and 37% fat are in
this
Linking Words
 meal,
while
Linking Words
 the
sugar
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
is used
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 up less than others with 23%. The American people get used to eating some snacks after breakfast. The percentages of
sodium
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, fat, and
sugar
Use synonyms
 are 14%, 12%, and 42% orderly, so the consumption of
sweet
Fix the agreement mistake
sweets
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 is more in
this
Linking Words
 meal. At lunchtime, it is noticeable that
sodium
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 and fat are the highest percentages in
this
Linking Words
 meal with 29% and 26%,
while
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumes 19%. Dinner contains less
sodium
Use synonyms
(14%), fat, and
sugar
Use synonyms
 (16%) compare with other meals. Based on what
vividly
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is vividly
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 compared, the American people must care about their eating. The high consumption of these nutrients causes an unhealthy life with different diseases in the future.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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