IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Being a celebrity - such as a movie star or professional athlete - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or drawbacks?

#celebrity #movie #star #athlete
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In
this
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 present
world
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, celebrities are given great respect and are an inspiration for many of
the
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their
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 followers. Any person who is a star be it in any field has a supreme status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and the positives of becoming a celebrity are much more than the negatives. In
this
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 essay, I will highlight the pros to prove my view on
this
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 correct.
Firstly
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, a celebrity is being followed by millions of
people
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 across the
world
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 and everywhere he/she travels,
people
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 behave madly just to meet the person.
Moreover
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, the young generation tries to follow their dressing sense completely.
For example
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, an actor like Salman Khan when reaches any place for an event, thousands of
people
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 rush just to see his glimpse and
also
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 try to copy his dressing style in their
day to day
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day-to-day
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 life.
Hence
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,
this
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 huge attention and following when a person receives
it's
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it is
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 a unique experience which very few in
this
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world
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 get.
Secondly
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, the earnings of many superstars are so amazing that will make
people
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 unconscious. The lavish lifestyle of these
people
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 is something which every human
desire
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desires
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.
For Instance
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, Cristiana Ronaldo one of the best footballers owns mansions which are worth billions of dollars and the collection of cars is so fascinating that many
people
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 follow him just to become like him and to achieve what he has attained in
such
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 a short period of time.
To conclude
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, celebrities work hard to achieve things and put in a lot of
efforts
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effort
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 just to maintain their public image. They easily buy the most expensive items in the
world
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 in just a few seconds and
also
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 motivate
people
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 to become like them through motivational speeches.
Therefore
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,
this
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 adorable lifestyle, millions of followers and assets which are countless make my view right that the positives overcome the negatives.
Submitted by Mazher on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. The conclusion is weak and does not effectively summarize the main points. The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, with points presented in a random order.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a basic level of understanding of the task, but the response is not fully developed. The main ideas are unclear and lack specific examples. More detailed and relevant examples are needed to support the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • duality
  • acknowledged
  • accrue
  • endorsements
  • sponsorships
  • influential
  • recognition
  • admiration
  • privileged
  • exclusive
  • luxury
  • privacy invasion
  • paparazzi
  • scrutiny
  • pressure
  • exploitation
  • unscrupulous
  • mental health issues
  • public image
  • perks
  • impact
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