IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

#believe #people #positions #government
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Holding a rank in the government sector is crucial as it gives the power of decision-making. Some scholars think that the youngsters must be given important positions in the regime while others oppose
this
 idea. In my perspective, age cannot be the sole criteria for
such
 appointments, rather creativity and innovation must be determined before
such
 selection.
To begin
 with, the young generation believes in smart work rather than piling
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
production. If more the fresh minds would perform in the administration, more original ideas shall develop. The decision of making Education policy of 2020 was rendered by a young cabinet minister in India, which has changed the complete scenario of studies.
Therefore
, if these young and creative brains will invest in the ministry, nations can readily achieve their developmental goals.
On the other hand
, few people are against the appointment of young people because they believe that they lack experience and stability. While working in a secretariat, one needs to be mature and expert in that field. During the Five year plan of 2013, India could not apply the agenda of an aspiring bureaucrat as it lacked in expertise,
instead
Add a comma
,
show examples
the expert scholar was accepted to represent the plan.
Thus
, the knowledge and experience do help in the government decision making as the whole nation relays on law-makers. To conclude, in my view one cannot give away the duties only on the bases of age but other factors must be considered
such
 as wisdom, practical knowledge and proficiency.
However
, the laws and policies made by both generations have been seen
Verify preposition usage
as
show examples
fulfilling if they work together.
Submitted by tarankaur15 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: