IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country’s #police #force #army #kinds #jobs
On the one hand, supporters of restricting females from working in an armed force argue that
this
 job requires a physique which can able to do strenuous activities.
In other words
, they may be asked to go war frond or work in
extrem
Correct your spelling
extreme
 conditions.
For example
, women
warriers
Correct your spelling
warriors
 are often posted on high altitude or in deserts as a part of their
misssion
Correct your spelling
mission
such
 as Kargil or Thar desert.
In addition
 to
this
, many worried about the safety of these troops since they require to work along with a macho sub-culture, where they may experience an abusive environment.
Nevertheless
, opponents of the above- argument point out that there should not be any gender discrimination in any field of employment. To come out from the patriarchal society, girls should take
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extra effort to counteract
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
male dominance.
For instance
, Margret Thatcher, a former British Prime minister,
she
Delete the pronoun
apply
show examples
showed that a girl is equally good at handling defence problems, sometimes, even better than their counterpart. Her skills often
under estimated
Correct your spelling
underestimated
show examples
 and
under valued
Correct your spelling
undervalued
show examples
, but she proved that how
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 she was in her career, and set an example for
othres
Correct your spelling
others
 as well. By viewing
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides, I personally think that separating one gender from doing certain works is unjust and unlawful. In conclusion, our society has
d
Add an article
a
show examples
ifferent view on whether entering females in armed force is good or bad. I think by giving
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extra training and safety measures they can
also
 join any field.
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: