IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
Most of the people in the society have a belief that some
children
 who have been an offender for a crime should be penalized. Others believe that behalf of them, their
parents
 should be
got punishment
Verb problem
punished
show examples
. It is worth when discussing both views and in my opinion, I believe that giving a penalty to
children
 for their
wrong
Fix the agreement mistake
wrongs
show examples
 is
beneficiary
Correct quantifier usage
more beneficiary
show examples
 than penalizing
parents
. On the one hand, many people in society believe that the youngsters who are been offenders for their offences should be
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
punished.
Then
 they would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
panic to repeat
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 behaviours.
Furthermore
, It would be a chance to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 crime
happening
Change preposition
from happening
show examples
 once again.
For instance
, when a boy
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 caught by his
parents
 for stealing money and he is punished by them, he understands the guilty and he will never do the same misdeed.
Therefore
, punishment for a wrong is a must to themselves.
On the other hand
,If the
parents
 were punished
instead
 of
children
 would
be shared
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 a negative message
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the culture and the new generation
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 not panic to
perform
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes.
For example
, if a child does not have a penalizing for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guilty
Replace the word
guilt
show examples
, he does not take it seriously and other teenagers in the community
also
 get a negative attitude
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
Hence
, it would be
a possibility
Replace the word
possible
show examples
 to increase crime
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
 teenagers. In conclusion,
although
 some people have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
thought that penalizing
parents
 for
children's'
Correct your spelling
children's
 offences
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 suitable.I believe that
children
 must be punished for their misdeeds.It would be an advantage to
Add an article
the
show examples
community.Because it gives a contribution to the growing youth in the public.
Submitted by gayan1990227 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether children or parents should be punished for children's crimes. The opinion is clearly stated, but the development of ideas could be more thorough to enhance task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transitions between ideas are generally smooth, but more varied vocabulary and sentence structures could improve coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: