IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #tax #food
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Needless to say
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
 adversely
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
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 the health of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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. Some
people
Use synonyms
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it is essential to impose a high tax on junk
food
Use synonyms
 because it may discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from eating fast
food
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, hefty charges can reduce the consumption rate but will not motivate them for nutritious
food
Use synonyms
 items,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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I
also
Linking Words
 explain some points which strengthen my viewpoint in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, imposing heavy levies on fast
food
Use synonyms
 means an increase in
price
Correct article usage
the price
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on
Change preposition
of
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 commodities which directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 the middle class and poor
people
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. To be more specific, junk
food
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 like burgers, pizzas and street foods
available
Add a missing verb
are available
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 at affordable rates at various apps like
zomato
Change the capitalization
Zomato
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 and
swiggy
Change the capitalization
Swiggy
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.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 working
people
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 and students who live away from homes prefer junk
food
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 because they do not have enough time to prepare a meal. Eventually, if the government increase the tax on fast
food
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, it will not affect the rich
people
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 they will continue to consume it.
On the other hand
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, there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
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 other methods through which
this
Linking Words
 problem could be solved. First is, healthy foodstuff should be more affordable and accessible so that everyone, especially
weaker
Correct article usage
the weaker
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 section of the society can easily afford it and easily approachable for the working
people
Use synonyms
.
Because many
Correct word choice
Many
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people
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 are aware of the ill
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 of unhealthy eating habits but the availability of
ready to eat
Add a hyphen
ready-to-eat
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food
Use synonyms
 is comparatively more than healthy products.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, parents should try that children do not go
too
Correct your spelling
to
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 shops, so for that parents have to prepare some healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 at home.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the government set the duties of some health advisors who organize camps in different areas
and
Correct word choice
apply
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give information about healthy and unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 explain the harmful impacts of fast
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, after analyzing all the points,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Imposing more tax on
food
Use synonyms
 is not only the solution because it will deter low-income groups from buying them. If the governments want to reduce the consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
, they should spread the awareness of self-discipline towards the eating pattern.
Submitted by Simran on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer stance and more comprehensive development of the ideas in the introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy food
  • junk food
  • calorie-dense
  • taxing
  • incentivize
  • manufacturers
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disproportionately
  • low-income households
  • healthcare costs
  • obesity
  • diet-related diseases
  • punitive measures
  • lifestyle choices
  • government intervention
  • food industry
  • economic impact
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