IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In today's world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#world #companies #government #conduct #research
In recent years, scientific
research
 has been sponsored for and done by private firms more than governmental organizations. In my opinion, in spite of some undeniable benefits,
this
 trend has had more adverse effects on the outcome of
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
research
. From my perspective, the lack of solid
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
 between non-governmental and governmental parties
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 led to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conflict and inconsistency in utilizing the resources. It is true that with the involvement of private companies, there will be less burden in terms of finance and human resources on the governmental
research
 departments.
However
, without the management of the government, one
research
 topic can be conducted by many private stakeholders at the same time.
This
 means despite being rich, these mentioned resources are not increasing productivity of the scientific
research
,
in contrast
, being wasted. Another reason why I believe depending on private companies for
research
 payment and conduction is not an optimal option is that the scale of
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
research
 can be limited. A company can have a wide network with local or global partners in order to help in different stages of
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
.
However
, the headers of a country have more trust from their citizens and
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of international relationships; which helps them have more advantages when implementing
research
.
For example
, a
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
 process may include many attendants with their consent, in
this
 case, people would find indications from the government are more
trust-worthy
Correct your spelling
trustworthy
show examples
 than from a private firm; which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a higher chance of agreement and participation. All in all, organizations from
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 private sector may face obstacles during conducting the
research
.
To conclude
, because of the inefficiency caused by the investment in
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
 from the private sector, I concur that the negative impacts outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt but could provide a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be better connected.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific research
  • private sector
  • government funding
  • technological innovation
  • competitive nature
  • profitable outcomes
  • conflict of interest
  • corporate bias
  • economic stimulation
  • public interest
  • non-profitable
  • public welfare
  • commercial applications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: