IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
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Nowadays, youngsters in many countries are living healthy, wealthy, and long
life
Use synonyms
beside
Verify preposition usage
besides
show examples
 they are happy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 problem and
also
Linking Words
 the possible solutions. There are a number of causes that lead to
u
Add an article
an
show examples
nhappy feeling in young people.
Firstly
Linking Words
, youngsters in many countries start earning while studying .
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 experience, they get high paid jobs after finishing their studies and become rich in young age.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern world, young people are health conscious and always have balanced meals which
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them to live a healthy and longer
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey revealed that 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of youngsters in Europe are living a good healthy
life
Use synonyms
 with financial security but are not happy. There are some possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 situation, the
first
Linking Words
 and the foremost is young people should make some friends
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
share their feelings as money can not buy happiness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there should be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
healthy competition between youngsters at school because
this
Linking Words
 can help them to build healthy relationships and happiness. In conclusion, being rich can bring a healthy and long
life
Use synonyms
 but it
mightalso
Correct your spelling
might also
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 a feeling of loneliness.
Therefore
Linking Words
 a balanced social
life
Use synonyms
 can help to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by manpreetkataria90 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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