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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problem. What are the problems that young people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems.

There is no doubt that cosmopolitan cities are facing different issues. Poor housing and pollution are the most dangerous;
however
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, these can be effectively controlled by setting
a
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up a
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planned city outside the centre of the town. On the one hand,
firstly
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, when a large number of people migrate to an urban area,
this
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 would cause
scarcity
Correct article usage
a scarcity
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 of proper houses.
In other words
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, the city dwellers may be forced to live in a cramped space, where they could not have safe water and sanitation facilities.
Additionally
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, the influx of dwellers means the urbanised place is vulnerable to pollution from industries and vehicles.
For example
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, in Mumbai, where, a slum called Dharavi, millions of migrant workers live in pathetic situations, which is often seen as an epicentre of many diseases since most of the inhabitants are living without having basic requirements and
this
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 region is highly contaminated as well.
Nevertheless
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,
on the other hand
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, the above-mentioned problems are significantly diminished, if the government of town makes a proper plan of action to counteract the difficulties. The first and foremost thing is
that
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to
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 relocate the industries and multi-national companies to the outskirts of the city. By doing
this
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, gradually and slowly the crow moves to the new location,
eventually
Correct word choice
and eventually
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, vehicles can be reduced.
Moreover
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,
For instance
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, the
authority
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authorities
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 can impose stricter punishment on traffic offenders
along with
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 no traffic
zone
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zones
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 and encourage public transportation can limit pollution
for
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to
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 a great extent in
this
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types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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busy part of the world. In conclusion, even though
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due to
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apply
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the high volume of inhabitants in cities can lead
a
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to a
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ack
Correct your spelling
lack
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 of housing and increase contamination,
this
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 may be resolved by reducing the overcrowding of people and vehicles on the road. It is recommended that every township is needed to plan in order to meet future needs and
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the problems faced by young people in cities and providing solutions. The ideas are relevant and focused on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents the main problems and solutions briefly. The conclusion restates the main points. To improve, ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the main topic and ideas flow logically from one to the next.
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