IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

While people flood into big cities to seek jobs and happy life, there is a tendency for people to move out. What problems do big cities have? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #flood #cities #jobs #life #tendency #move
There are several individuals who decide on moving to urban parts of a country in pursuit of a promising career and happiness. While there are positive factors that motivate them for
this
 move, negative aspects
such
 as the high cost of living and
pollution
 often
drives
Change the verb form
drive
show examples
 them out
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 the city life. In major cities around the world, the cost of living is expensive. The basic
neccessities
Correct your spelling
necessities
such
 as food, shelter and daily expenses can set an individual back in monetary terms.
For instance
, in Singapore
Add a comma
,
show examples
the average rental of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 apartment in the city could range from $2000 onwards.
Furthermore
, dining out and groceries are
also
exhorbitant
Correct your spelling
exorbitant
 and can be draining on an individual without
suffiecient
Correct your spelling
sufficient
 paychecks.
This
 leads them to re-examine their decision
of
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
 living in the city. The levels of
pollution
 are
also
 prevalent in major cities. The noise
pollution
 that arises from the construction of buildings and roads is known to take a toll on the populations living or working around the
vicinty
Correct your spelling
vicinity
visit
city
.
In addition
, the
inceasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 number of vehicles cause air
pollution
 which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 asthma and other
respitory
Correct your spelling
respiratory
 tract diseases.
This
consequently
 drives many people to live away from the cities to escape the many health problems. While it
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 attractive to live in a cosmopolitan part of the country, the stress brought on by living in it and the environmental factors
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 many to rethink and relocate
thereafter
. While it is dependable on the individual on how well he can adjust on his/her environment, it is important to be happy wherever they might call home.
Submitted by sanjani_basdeo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overpopulation
  • Housing demand
  • Public services
  • Cost of living
  • Pollution levels
  • Air quality
  • Traffic congestion
  • Commuting
  • Crime rates
  • Income disparity
  • Infrastructure
  • Public transport
  • Green spaces
  • Urban heat
What to do next:
Look at other essays: