IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

beingselfish is considered a reason for job success? Give your opinion. Reasons with examples

Nowadays,
where
Rephrase
apply
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the pace of everyone’s life is getting faster.
Therefore
Linking Words
, considerably more
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming professional egocentric. There is a segment of proponents
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that being self-centred would lead their career graph upwards, well
others
Use synonyms
 believe that teamwork brings enormous success.Different masses with a different mindset.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
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 following essay will delve into reasons and correspondingly will shed light on my opinion in the conclusion. To start the deliberation, there are
myriad
Correct article usage
a myriad
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 of causes that can
be disfavoured
Wrong verb form
disfavour
show examples
 the statement. The first tenable aetiology is that Selfishness may appear to be beneficial in the
short-term
Use the right word
short term
show examples
, but
moderately
Punctuation problem
moderately,
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 its negative impacts will begin to manifest. There are self-centred
people
Use synonyms
 who always take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sole credit for work irrespective of knowing
Use synonyms
others
Check wording
others'
show examples
 efforts in the accomplishment.
For Instance
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, Steve
paul jobs
Fix capitalization
Paul Jobs
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the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 co-founder
Change preposition
of
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Apple LLC. He was forced out of Apple in 1985 after a long power struggle with the company's board
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 investors thought there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 no longer
need
Correct article usage
a need
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 him as the brand
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 already been established. Afterwards, the shares of the company dropped. In
1997
Punctuation problem
1997,
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 he was again back
to
Change preposition
on
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board
Correct article usage
the board
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 and helped to revive
again
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apply
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Apple
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 had been on the verge of bankruptcy.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, selfishness tends to alienate
others
Use synonyms
 and make them less likely to want to deal with
them
Correct pronoun usage
you
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. Many
people
Use synonyms
 find it easy to be self-served when things are
favouring
Verb problem
favourable to
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 them and working out well in preferred directions.
However
Linking Words
, it is true that everyone needs assistance sometimes. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 fail to
realize
Use the right word
realise
show examples
this
Linking Words
 until they've missed out
the
Change preposition
on the
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 great opportunities. Which can exist in business and other areas of life,
Being
Fix capitalization
being
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 connected to
others
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 provides scope for personal growth, the expansion of knowledge, and broader perspectives. Sometimes, selfish
people
Use synonyms
 will never know that they've missed out on meaningful contingency. To recapitulate, generally,
people
Use synonyms
 prioritise their needs over
others
Use synonyms
. When work is concerned,teamwork is the salient path of eminence. Professional help and guidance can
also
Linking Words
 pragmatically contribute to individual growth and happiness. Generosity and
learning
Correct article usage
a learning
show examples
 attitude should be considered as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for job success.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main idea.
Task Achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction outlines your argument more clearly.
Task Achievement
You provide a clear opinion in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
You use specific examples to support your points, like the mention of Steve Jobs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ambitious
  • Driven
  • Motivated
  • Goal-oriented
  • Risk-taker
  • Self-centered
  • Opportunistic
  • Assertive
  • Confident
  • Self-promotion
What to do next:
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