IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is becoming increasingly expensive for museums to be open to the public. What would be the best solution to keep them open in your opinion

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Nowadays,
museums
Use synonyms
 are gaining popularity across the world.Authorities are finding it very difficult to manage because of heavy spending on their maintenance.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore how
this
Linking Words
 problem can be curtailed through the introduction of entertaining activities in
museums
Use synonyms
,installations of the latest gadgets for making activities interesting and
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cheap entrance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
.
Firstly
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,through the introduction of an entertaining performance,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be
curbed
Verb problem
solved
show examples
.People find
museums
Use synonyms
 in a boring place.In order to
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an everlasting impact of
museums
Use synonyms
 on the minds of tourists,it is now mandatory to introduce some innovative and fun
related-activities
Correct your spelling
related activities
show examples
 to attract more audience.Take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 example of
Taxila
Correct article usage
the Taxila
show examples
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in Pakistan,where a lot of chairlifts and games have been installed ,which has tremendously enhanced the visitors' attention.
Thus
Linking Words
,innovative and fun-related things are important to keep
museums
Use synonyms
 alive and enhance their earnings.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 expenditures of
museums
Use synonyms
 can be tackled to a large extent through the installation of new gadgets.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
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 population feel more
attraction
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
 towards new inventions,so a blending of old architecture with the latest technology will have a positive impact on the attendance of visitors to
museums
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,The Palace
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in Australia,where
display
Correct article usage
the display
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 and data of all old antiques have been transformed into computers to give them a fascinating look which attracts thousands of tourists annually.
Hence
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,maintenance
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 can be generated through
this
Linking Words
 method.
Finally
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, expensive fees are often considered to be the biggest hurdle in accumulating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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visitors at
museums
Use synonyms
.In order to boost the income of
museums
Use synonyms
,authorities should reduce the entrance fee, which will definitely increase the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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of tourists to
museums
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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,I believe that
museums
Use synonyms
 are very expensive to maintain for the authorities,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be tackled through the introduction of
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 activities,installing the latest machines and
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reducing the entrance fee.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure and use more complex sentences to enhance your writing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more vividly.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples are well-explained and directly support your main points in more detail.
Task Achievement
You have provided clear main points to address the issue of museum expenses.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your essay's viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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