IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effect on young children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effect #children
Needless to say, technologies are developing rapidly in these days and age, according to some juvenile are using
c
Add an article
the
a
show examples
omputer more than 10 hours
day
 by
day
. some people supposed that the merits do not outweigh the drawback, I completely concur with
this
 view. To commence with, young individuals use
c
Add an article
a
the
show examples
omputer so frequently which will bring several adverse effects to them.
Firstly
, using
c
Add an article
a
show examples
omputer in high usage way it will lead their vision to have some problem,
such
 as blurred vision or Visual fatigue. One of the reasons might be because they watch the video or play games over 8hours every
day
,
therefore
 we can see many young individuals wearing glasses nowadays.
Moreover
, most of the children are spending too much time on
computer
 games, in
this
 phenomenal could impact their studying . Take my young brother in case, he is a student who used to have excellent grades in every subject exam,
however
, one
day
 he fell in love with the video game call streetfighter
then
 he was playing the game all night long after school.
Consequently
 , his grades were declining rapidly after that.
Finally
, children might be unsociable
also
 their value and perspective for the real world might not well development if they addicted to the virtual world. That will impact their future career and relationship with other people. To sum up,
c
Add an article
the
show examples
omputer brings school education more convenience than the past ,
however
, if children use the
computer
 in the wrong way it will have adverse effects on our health and unsociable.
Submitted by atruru0427 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cyber safety
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • social isolation
  • digital literacy
  • interactive learning
  • virtual communication
  • physical well-being
  • academic performance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: