Caring for the children is an important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is indeed a fact that
children
Use synonyms
are a significant segment of the whole society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, raising
children
Use synonyms
with attentive care is highly important. So, some people recommend that
Use synonyms
childcare
Correct article usage
a childcare
show examples
diploma or training ought to be done by all the
parents
Use synonyms
Personally, I agree
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
large extent with the above suggestion. The major reason for having classes by the
parents
Use synonyms
for warm caring of their
children
Use synonyms
is
the
Change the word
their
show examples
hectic and busy schedule
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In simple words.
due to
Linking Words
globalization, the expenses have been increasing considerably.There to meet the money requirement of the house ,
parents
Use synonyms
have to spend significant time at their workplaces.
Hence
Linking Words
, to give attentive nourishment in the strict schedule, training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
childcare
Use synonyms
plays a huge role by giving special tactics that are approved by the experts.These methods would certainly help the mothers and fathers to take care of
children
Use synonyms
even in bustling days. Another reason,
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
it is suitable to attend the classes of
childcare
Use synonyms
by the
parents
Use synonyms
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Massive
reson
Correct your spelling
reason
is a high rate of illiteracy of mothers and fathers, especially in underdeveloped
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,it is very difficult for them to raise their
children
Use synonyms
,
understand
Correct word choice
and understand
show examples
their feelings and creativity. To overcome these problems
childcare
Use synonyms
centres
tech
Correct your spelling
teach
show examples
the
parents
Use synonyms
some easy ways to evaluate the
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
of the
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many successful persons, whose
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
been identified by their educated or well-trained
parents
Use synonyms
. so, I think it would be a great option to improve the future of society by well nourishing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
children
Use synonyms
. There is only one reason
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to take training for
childcare
Use synonyms
is high fees.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are many individuals who can not afford the training
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of requirements namely labourers, grab
picker
Fix the agreement mistake
pickers
show examples
and
low incentive
Add a hyphen
low-incentive
show examples
employees
Add the comma(s)
, employees
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
the high expense of enrolment of training some people unable to manage.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite the high fees, the
parents
Use synonyms
who take special courses for the nourishment of the
children
Use synonyms
is applaudable.
Submitted by singhajit.as8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Refine your introduction and conclusion to make them more compelling. Your introduction should clearly state your position, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your key points.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your main points. This will help to clarify your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. At times, your arguments are a bit underdeveloped and would benefit from further elaboration.
general
Proofread your work to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence clarity. This will make your writing more polished and professional.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the importance of childcare training for parents.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
general
Your writing shows a range of vocabulary and expressions, which enhances the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: