Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A few

people

Use synonyms

believe that the community could be harmonious and happier if the financial dissimilarities between the affluent and the less well-off are paltry. I completely concur with

this

Linking Words

notion, as

this

Linking Words

is pivotal for

people

Use synonyms

to lead a trouble-free and mentally healthier life.

To begin

Linking Words

with, in

this

Linking Words

contemporary era, there has always been a huge disparity between the well-off and the ordinary class

people

Use synonyms

Hence

Linking Words

, socialists opine that if the government imposes a norm on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

wealthy individuals to share a considerable amount of their wealth with the disadvantaged, it can pave the way for accommodating the vital necessities of the poor section of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and eventually

enabling

Wrong verb form

enable

show examples

all the residents to have a flourishing and joyful life.

For instance

Linking Words

, few students who are skilful yet

lacking

Wrong verb form

lack

show examples

the funds to continue with their studies or research can

Verb problem

benefit

show examples

immensely

benefitted

Verb problem

apply

show examples

from

this

Linking Words

move

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

ultimately increasing the literacy percentage

as well as

Linking Words

attracting foreign establishments to set bases in the motherland

due to

Linking Words

the presence of a plethora of well-educated professionals.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is apparent that if the rich

would

Verb problem

apply

show examples

share the wealth with the poor, it is extremely beneficial to the community as a whole.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, there has been a steady increase in

Juveline

Correct your spelling

juvenile

crimes throughout the world mainly

due to

Linking Words

the frighteningly increasing poverty rates and illiteracy solely

due to

Linking Words

deprivation of monetary resources.

This

Linking Words

can be curbed in two ways by the authorities.

Firstly

Linking Words

, these youngsters could be reformed if they are given appropriate funds to make their

both

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

ends meet.

Hence

Linking Words

, these individuals when funded would tend to be extremely devoted to building their lives if there is only a negligible difference between the rich and the poor.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the government must

also

Linking Words

occasionally reward the wealthy section of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society by brimming them with accolades if they habitually share a large proportion of their wealth with the economically advantaged

people

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

way, the socialists' goal of sharing prosperity could be accomplished and equally slowly bridging the huge gap between the affluent and less wealthy

people

Use synonyms

. Sweden

for instance

Linking Words

mandatorily taxes high earners heavily and at the same time, provides a plethora of financial support to the economically weaker

people

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

is one reason why the Scandinavian nation has a meagre difference between the rich and poor and

also

Linking Words

is the reason for the country's high happiness and literacy index.

To conclude

Linking Words

, community members, are always of the opinion that funds must always be shared by the rich with the poor to reduce the sky-high crimes in the society and most importantly to experience a peaceful, flourishing, and joyful life. I completely

accord

Verb problem

agree

show examples

with

this

Linking Words

opinion, as

this

Linking Words

benefits every citizen in all aspects and I opine that it is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

absolute

Change the word

absolutely

show examples

imperative to have a meagre difference between

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

high earners and low-wage individuals.

aj534160

Oct 2, 2020

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task response

Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by presenting a clear opinion and supporting it with relevant arguments. However, ensure to provide a balanced view by acknowledging potential counterarguments in future essays.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is well-structured, with a strong introduction, body paragraphs supporting your main points, and a conclusive ending. To improve further, consider using transitions more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas within paragraphs and between them.

task response

Clear opinion stated in the introduction

task response

Strong supporting examples provided throughout the essay

task response

Effective use of examples to illustrate points

coherence and cohesion

Logical progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

473 words

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Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is necessary for the parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

7.Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think that actions can be taken to bring the change. Discuss both views and give your opinion.