Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

this

globalization, many kinds of arts are involved in certain events to blending people that come from different cultures and ages. In

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

terms, some people say that

music

is a good way for gathering people from different backgrounds together. In my point of view, I disagree with that statement.

Therefore

, in

this

essay, I will explain the reasons why I do not support that idea.

To begin

, another form of arts likes dancing is more interesting for most people. It is because dancing can invite the audients unconsciously to do so, even though they do not understand the meaning of it. Maybe it is the magic of dancing.

Furthermore

, through dancing, people can follow the dancer's movement, which makes them more attractive than

music

Moreover

, random people can join with other strangers to perform the movement.

For example

, in Indonesia, there is an annual event in Jakarta that usually invites some traditional dancers across the country to attend

this

event, when the dancers begin to perform the Tari Piring in front of people, we can see that few people start to dance and

this

occurrence will be followed by the others. After that, they may have a chit-chat.

Consequently

this

can be used to break the ice among strangers and can be a path to make them closer, forgetting about their backgrounds. Another reason is that

music

can only be enjoyed by some people that really understand it. It is simply because every person has different taste of

music

. Thence, some of them that do not like it might not enjoy.

For example

, there is a

music

festival in Jakarta called DPP,

however

this

genre is liked by young generations, so, there will be no adults there.

Thus

, the idea of using

music

to gathering a different kind of people completely fails. In a nutshell, another form of art, which is dancing, is more promising to reach

this

goal than the art of acoustic may do, and

also

, every person has their own taste of

music

, which limits

this

belief.

Hence

, in the end, I would reiterate my belief that I disagree with

this

idea because in general,

music

can not be used to bringing people from many cultures and ages together.

Submitted by michellina594 on Wed Oct 14 2020

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

374 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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