Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Education plays a very important role in the lives of people. Some people are of the opinion that unpaid community services should be made compulsory for school
students
. Personally, I totally agree that high school
should include these activities in their programs because of Fix the agreement mistake
schools
its
benefits for Correct pronoun usage
their
students
. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will explain my viewpoint with relevant examples.
To commence with, it is obvious that by joining in unpaid public activities, students
can create an ideal environment for advancing their social skills
. Firstly
, pupils do not only go to school for learning
academics or physics, but they Change preposition
to learn
also
should learn real-life skills
. For instance
, the students
working for a charity are definitely good at teamwork skills
because they know exactly what they need to do to cooperate with others. Secondly
, it is a great opportunity to improve their healths
and mental illness Correct your spelling
health
as well as
boost their communication skills
. For example
, can
be found in Correct determiner usage
this can
students
who teach sports to young children. They also
share their experience with sports. Last
but not least, these activities also
use
for their leisure time.
Wrong verb form
used
Furthermore
, these unpaid association services are extremely useful to students
opportunities in the future because of Change noun form
students'
student's
Correct article usage
the diploma
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
are
they Verb problem
apply
received
. In fact, there are thousands of Wrong verb form
receive
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Correct pronoun usage
that required
required
Wrong verb form
require
certificate
that Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
part
of unpaid Add a missing verb
are part
society
service. It is a good benefit to find a good occupation.
In conclusion. I Replace the word
social
extremely
agree that Rephrase
apply
the
unpaid community service can find a lot of great chances to improve their social Correct article usage
apply
skills
and take advantages
of the beneficial certificate of their job in the future.Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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Grammar
Some sentences are incoherent and lack the correct structure. For instance, 'For example, can be found in students who teach sports to young children.' isn't a complete sentence. Also, some grammatically incorrect phrases like 'improve their healths' and 'diploma are they received' could be revised.
Task Response
While the main points are mentioned, more explicit detail could be provided to enhance understanding and clarity. For instance, explaining how exactly unpaid community service 'creates an ideal environment for advancing social skills' would be beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a more formal and academic tone throughout your essay. Avoid using contractions such as 'I'll' and informal phrases like 'In the upcoming paragraphs'.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.