IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best way to reduce the crime rate is to educate criminals while they are still in prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #crime #rates #degrees #rate #criminals #prison
It is found from research that
crime
 ration is lesser in educated people.
Consequently
Add a comma
,
show examples
The best method to decrease
crime
 ration is to educate the prisoners . I
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
show examples
 with
this
 issue. In my opinion , without educations
Add a comma
,
show examples
we can’t think
this
 modern era.
It’s increase
Change the verb form
It increases
show examples
 our thinking level which we should do or not.In statistic shows that most are the criminals uneducated or very little educated as well as come from
s
Add an article
a
show examples
lum.Their uneducated brain and social situation push them to
crime
 .Whenever they will be in
jail
, govt should take
s
Add an article
a
the
show examples
tep for their studies .
For example
Add a comma
,
show examples
it is being effective in some
african
Change the capitalization
African
show examples
 countries by the help of some NGOs.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of
worked
Change the form of the verb
working
show examples
 in
j
Add an article
the
show examples
ail,
c
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ourt should permit study in
jail
.
In addition
, education
also
enrich
Change the verb form
enriches
show examples
 the probability
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
getting work or job. Most of the
crime
is happened
Change to the active voice
happens
has happened
show examples
 for money. Whenever they will be educated , they think that there will be a job.
As a result
 , the person wants to earn in a legal way to his or her family.
Such
 as a boy of standard 8 is punished for 4 or 5 years , in
this
 situation
Add a comma
,
show examples
he will not continue his study .In
Correct your spelling
meantime
show examples
m
Add an article
the
show examples
ean time if he will continue his studies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
after over his punishment we will lead a good life . In conclusion , Govt should pass the law of education in
jail
instead
 of work .It will be beneficial for social life.The more people educate the nation will more strong and
crime free
Add a hyphen
crime-free
show examples
.
Submitted by Arifur Rahman Barno   on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: