In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the current era ,
w
Add an article
a
the

The noun phrase woman seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
oman has become the centre of attraction in every walk of life. Especially, in driving the workforce of the
reputated
Correct your spelling
reputed

The word reputated is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

organizations. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Since. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
the cost of living is increasing year by year gradually, women started working when their kids are
self sufficient
Add a hyphen
self-sufficient

It appears that self sufficient is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
to manage themselves. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will be discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discussing. Consider removing the preposition.

show examples
the pros and cons of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun women in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
working women. On the one hand, there are many benefits when females are given an
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity

The word oppurtunity is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

while taking care of their kids.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, men who are usually the
bread winners
Correct your spelling
breadwinners

The word bread winners seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
of the family are not able to meet the households with
s
Add an article
a

The noun phrase single income seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
ingle income and are encouraging their girl partners to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Women are finding it easy to go for a job when their children are able to manage themselves.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in developed countries like America
Add a comma
,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in developed countries like America. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
it is increasingly becoming difficult for the families having kids to meet
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
daily needs.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, companies like IBM
has
Change the verb form
have

The verb has does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
encouraged women to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from home
post delivery
Add a hyphen
post-delivery

It appears that post delivery is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
and they moved up to the ladder just because of the fact that they were encouraged to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

when their younger ones are attending the school.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

boosts
the
Remove the article
apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

show examples
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence

It appears that self confidence is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
and can help in raising their kids to meet the social expectations of
the
Remove the article
apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

show examples
society. Overall , we can say that girl power helps in boosting the economy as well
Verify preposition usage
as

It appears that there is a missing preposition after the word well. Consider adding the preposition.

show examples
the families.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, kids miss their mothers as they are not
availabe
Correct your spelling
available

The word availabe is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

all the time. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Since. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
working women
has
Change the verb form
have

The verb has does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
to manage both office and home equally , health issues slowly starts physically as well as mentally.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, kids get attracted to bad friendships as they miss the supervision of their elders. To conclude ,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay has discussed the merits and demerits of the employed and breadwinner mothers and has justified them with relevant examples.
Submitted by Sri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • economic benefits
  • standard of living
  • professional growth
  • career progression
  • social network
  • emotional support
  • role modeling
  • work-life balance
  • childcare costs
  • external childcare
  • additional income
  • emotional development
  • career opportunities
  • part-time roles
  • less demanding positions
  • juggling responsibilities
  • family environment
  • job satisfaction
  • financial security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: