IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#countries #women #workforce #children
In the current era ,
w
Add an article
a
the
show examples
oman has become the centre of attraction in every walk of life. Especially, in driving the workforce of the
reputated
Correct your spelling
reputed
 organizations. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the cost of living is increasing year by year gradually, women started working when their kids are
self sufficient
Add a hyphen
self-sufficient
show examples
 to manage themselves. In
this
 essay, I will be discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the pros and cons of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
working women. On the one hand, there are many benefits when females are given an
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to
work
 while taking care of their kids.
Firstly
 , men who are usually the
bread winners
Correct your spelling
breadwinners
show examples
 of the family are not able to meet the households with
s
Add an article
a
show examples
ingle income and are encouraging their girl partners to
work
. Women are finding it easy to go for a job when their children are able to manage themselves.
For example
 , in developed countries like America
Add a comma
,
show examples
it is increasingly becoming difficult for the families having kids to meet
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 daily needs.
Hence
, companies like IBM
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 encouraged women to
work
 from home
post delivery
Add a hyphen
post-delivery
show examples
 and they moved up to the ladder just because of the fact that they were encouraged to
work
 when their younger ones are attending the school.
Secondly
 ,
this
 boosts
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
 and can help in raising their kids to meet the social expectations of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society. Overall , we can say that girl power helps in boosting the economy as well
Verify preposition usage
as
show examples
the families.
On the other hand
 , kids miss their mothers as they are not
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
 all the time. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
working women
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to manage both office and home equally , health issues slowly starts physically as well as mentally.
Moreover
 , kids get attracted to bad friendships as they miss the supervision of their elders. To conclude ,
this
 essay has discussed the merits and demerits of the employed and breadwinner mothers and has justified them with relevant examples.
Submitted by Sri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • economic benefits
  • standard of living
  • professional growth
  • career progression
  • social network
  • emotional support
  • role modeling
  • work-life balance
  • childcare costs
  • external childcare
  • additional income
  • emotional development
  • career opportunities
  • part-time roles
  • less demanding positions
  • juggling responsibilities
  • family environment
  • job satisfaction
  • financial security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: