IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Q1. Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their life easier.

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in contemporary society,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 people are working more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past ,
as well as
Linking Words
 they do not focus on their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. the main problem
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 increasing competition
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
 and the solution of the employer is a lot of steps taken by the company and reduce the second limit.
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight and anxiety are increasing
due to
Linking Words
 competition and globalisation first ,globalisation has been dramatically going up in a market
show
Replace the word
showing
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 giving more
time
Use synonyms
 to the
office
Use synonyms
 .
second,
Linking Words
the employer is giving more to the
office
Use synonyms
 rather than
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
, the vast relationship suffers
due to
Linking Words
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 full attention to the family and the level of
stress
Use synonyms
is going
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 up to handle
this
Linking Words
 solution
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been working less in the
office
Use synonyms
 . the group should have proper
time
Use synonyms
 management in the
office
Use synonyms
. so, the employee will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not suffer from health
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety ,mental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and physical
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
,
in addition
Linking Words
, regular breaks or holiday
package
Fix the agreement mistake
packages
show examples
 should be provided by the company. so ,they do not feel
stress
Use synonyms
 on their body.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example, the Reliance
club
Capitalize word
Club
show examples
 every year provide free to
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 and with
the
Correct determiner usage
every
show examples
 family.
then
Linking Words
 they will not feel
stress
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 body and the
bonding
Replace the word
bond
show examples
 between employer and family
have been
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 stronger . the club should provide some nape
time
Use synonyms
.so, the staff can sleep.
To sum up
Linking Words
,globalisation and competition
the
Add a missing verb
are the
show examples
 main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the society and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 should provide some
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 every year to reduce
stress
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 provide a
time
Use synonyms
 limit
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
office
Use synonyms

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss. This will provide a roadmap for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more varied and complex sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This can improve your overall score.
Task Achievement
Incorporate clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to help guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully explain and elaborate on your examples to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You have identified relevant issues like globalization and competition that contribute to workplace stress, which is a good start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • increased competition
  • technological advancements
  • blurring the lines
  • economic pressures
  • organizational culture
  • job insecurity
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • mental health support
  • counseling services
  • stress management
  • recognize and reward
  • boost morale
  • workplace conditions
  • ergonomic
  • physical and mental strain
  • encourage delegation
  • distribute workload
  • prevent burnout
  • supportive work environment
What to do next:
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