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Band 5.5

Since traveling abroad has become relatively inexpensive more countries are opening their doors for foreign tourists. Is it a positive or negative trend? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

#countries #doors #tourists #trend
It is acknowledged that more
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 afford
travelling
Change the verb form
to travel
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 abroad in recent years, and tourists attracting countries are encouraging
this
 trend by various measures. I would reckon that
such
 a tendency is a positive development because it can benefit both individuals and societies. The popularity of spending vacations in other countries could, from an individual perspective, enrich holidaymakers' personal lives by giving them unfamiliar
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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. Every country has its unique geographical features and cultural backgrounds, which means travelling to a foreign country
people
 know
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 about will bring them a brand new experience which they could hardly gain ordinarily. When American tourists visit China,
for instance
, they might be amazed and impressed by the ancient buildings and massive history;
while
 visitors from northern Europe could possibly be pleased by the abundant sunshine when they go to Australia.
Such
 explorations would turn
to
Change preposition
into
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 valuable memories later in the rest of
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Regarding
Change preposition
From
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 a social point of view, the economy in countries and cities visited would be boosted
due to
 the ubiquity of intercontinental journeys. It is widely accepted that some tourist
cites
Correct your spelling
sites
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 can be far more alluring to foreigners than to the locals. When crowds of incoming visitors accumulate, it will lead to employment generations in a wide range of industries,
such
 as
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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, accommodations, shopping malls and restaurants. With a multitude of
people
gets
Wrong verb form
getting
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 employed, the general income of the area will increase. Meanwhile, commercial profits and governmental revenues will
also
 be promoted by bills and taxes paid by foreign tourists, ranging from tickets, rooms,
meals
Correct word choice
and meals
show examples
, to a cup of coffee, or souvenirs. As discussed above, I believe international travelling is a promising sector since it can create extraordinary adventures for vacationists, and at the same time improve the local economy.
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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. This will help structure your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be made more concise to improve readability. Aim to eliminate redundancy and ensure that each sentence serves a purpose.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, consider integrating even more specific examples and evidence to substantiate your points. This would make your argument more compelling and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that help frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt fully and provides relevant explanations and examples.
task achievement
The essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas that reflect thoughtful consideration of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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