IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Technological developments leads to lots of environmental issues. Some people think a simple life style can preserve the environment. While others argue technology itself can solve it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Protection of the environment is a soaring concern these days. That it is the responsibility of netizens to control environmental damage by adopting a simple lifestyle
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 depending on
technology
Use synonyms
 to resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue is a subject of great enthusiasm
as well as
Linking Words
 stark opposition and at times the both become somewhat blurred. There are strong arguments on both sides of the debate which I will discuss in upcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion. On the one hand, those who consider that inhabitants should start living a simple life say that much of the pollution is caused by human activities. Not only,
do
Verb problem
is
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 the huge amount of carbon dioxide
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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released by vehicles and industries people own, but deforestation has a major impact on the rise of carbon dioxide in the surroundings resulting in global warming.
For example
Linking Words
, recent analysis has shown that motors
drive
Wrong verb form
driven
show examples
 by individuals and industries play a key role in the increase of carbon dioxide in the eco-system.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is the sole responsibility of humans to live a simple life to make the earth a better place to live by adopting bicycles and
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
 hunting for their own pleasure.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, people who hold the opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 needs to resolve
this
Linking Words
 menace point to the great inventions done by scientists in various fields.
Such
Linking Words
 inventions with the help of
technology
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might control the emission of poisonous gases from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicles and industries. To illustrate,
E-rikshaw
Correct article usage
an E-rikshaw
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 in place of
fuel-based
Correct article usage
a fuel-based
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 rikshaw is a technological gift which does not release any harmful gases into the environment.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is supposed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 it can be easily resolved through
technology
Use synonyms
 without compromising
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. To summarize, it appears to me that it
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 responsibility of individuals
as well as
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 to preserve the environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, both need to play their own part to protect their surroundings.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a more concise statement of your opinion. Phrasing it more directly will strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure parallel structure in your sentences. For instance, 'Not only do the huge amount of carbon dioxide...' should be corrected to 'Not only is a huge amount of carbon dioxide...'.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, consider separating your points more distinctly. This helps each argument stand alone and improves the logical flow.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument adequately, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the E-rikshaw, adds credibility to your arguments and illustrates your points well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • environmental damage
  • sustainable living practices
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy sources
  • electric vehicles
  • recycling and waste management
  • energy efficiency
  • eco-friendly alternatives
  • immediate environmental benefits
  • long-term sustainability
  • integrating both approaches
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