IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while other consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
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It is argued that
,
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apply
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 in some countries
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,
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children are working with a salary. Is
this
Linking Words
 a completely wrong situation or important for learning and taking responsibility? In my opinion
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,
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children should not be a worker
moreover
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 they should be just children at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of their lives.
First
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 of all, education is one of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 in
Add an article
the
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21th
Change the ending
21st
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 century and children should have their
time
Use synonyms
 to get educated and to do their
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
.
For example
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, a child who works in a paid job, even if he/she goes to work on his/her free
time
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 after school, can't find a place or any
time
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 to study and the chance of being an educated person has taken from that child's hands. That's why I completely disagree with the idea of children who engaged in paid work.
Secondly
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, for me children must have enough
time
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 for hobbies, leisure
time
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 activities, playing some games with their friends etc. so that they can have the feelings of happiness, sadness, angriness etc. and how to cope with them and
also
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 learn how
b
Add the particle
to
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e a team player with their friends.
For instance
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, a boy who works, can't have
time
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 for sitting on the grass, drink juice or something and talk with his friends because of worktimes and he will never know the feeling of that peaceful moment.
Thus
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, working isn't an important experience for children and as a matter of fact
Add a comma
,
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it is waste of
time
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. In conclusion, children should not spend their
time
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 at work for having some experience or learning how to take responsibility, they should have their free
time
Use synonyms
 for school,
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
, hobbies and hanging out with friends.
Submitted by hareozel on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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