IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness,but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Concerning the issue of everyone’s joy,
people
Use synonyms
 hold different views. An army of
people
Use synonyms
 reckons that outside impact can
affected
Change the verb form
be affected
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our cheerfulness; whilst
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others are of the opinion each person should have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
show examples
 toward their emotions. From my perspective, both
qualilties
Correct your spelling
qualities
 are of great significance in equal measure and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 elaborate in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, there are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why sometimes our glad are influenced by
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 causes.
Firstly
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, we can change the state from anger to
pleased
Replace the word
pleasure
show examples
 only
base
Replace the word
based
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 on someone else.
For example
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, many children at present who often annoyed and uncomfortable with scolding from their parents.
However
Linking Words
, just through a promise to get them new toys or make juicy food,they will easier
in forgetting
Change preposition
to forget
show examples
 sad stories and maybe it give them more
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
 in their study process. Another good example is with a lot of travellers who have set foot in a new country for the first time, they would be attracted by beautiful landscapes and the unique culture
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there. Obviously, visiting a new place can
make
Verb problem
give
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 us
get
Verb problem
apply
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more diverse experiences and it
occasional
Change the word
occasionally
show examples
 can create happy feelings for
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we
also
Linking Words
 need delightedly control in a reasonable way. Namely, when
people
Use synonyms
joining
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
 some party and alcohol
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 is essential to celebrate, they need to use it in moderation
insteads
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
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much. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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, they may avoid serious consequences like
fight
Wrong verb form
fighting
show examples
 and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 drunk.
Moreover
Linking Words
,with many young
people
Use synonyms
 in
todays
Correct your spelling
today
, when they had early success, they often show disrespect to
people
Use synonyms
 around them.
This
Linking Words
 trend
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be changed as soon as possible to make young
people
Use synonyms
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not take pride in the fun they had getting rich early. In conclusion, for what
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been mentioned above, it can be affirmed that each view has its own merits and demerits.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is highly recommended that happiness will be outstanding if we can take advantage and control it effectively.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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