IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be used for other purposes such as residential areas for over growing population or to develop business and boost economics. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economics
There are contrasting views on whether a certain proportion of space should be left for public parks or could be utilized for dwellings or office buildings. From my perspective, public parks should not be replaced.
To begin
 with, public parks are still regarded as a peaceful and convenient place for entertainment and exercise by a great number of people，especially the elderly, for whom public parks have been an integral part in their daily lives.
Although
 nowadays we have a wider range of choices to spend our spare time
such
 as going to shopping malls, gyms, KTV and so on, public parks are a better option to escape from the hustle and bustle of the city as well as get close to
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
nature.
In addition
，some people may drive to suburbs to climb mountains and breathe fresh air.
However
，those who are busy with work and old people will find it hard to do
this
. In
this
 case，a park in the city is more accessible to the public.
Furthermore
，governments are obliged to spend money and efforts building
such
 infrastructure for the sake of the masses. These benefits should be shared by every citizen，which facilitates a more harmonious society. Admittedly，we are facing scarcity of land along with the rapid growth of population.
Instead
 of turning public parks into houses，it is more practical to modify architecture. In terms of business development
，
Add a comma
,
show examples
it seems not fair to seek profits at the expense of general welfare. In a nutshell，public parks play a positive part in individual health physically and mentally.
Also
，it is fundamental for social harmony to preserve a pure land in
this
 fast-paced era.
Submitted by 644439101 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: