IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some parents worried about increasing level of violence in T.V, video games and other types entertainment for children leisure. how does this affect children . how do you think problem can be tackled?

#parents #level #violence #v #video #games #entertainment #children #leisure #affect
Nowadays, children are facing more often the
violence
 on TV, videogames and other types of entertainment. Since
this
 kind of content is becoming always more available online, children are more exposed and should be protected.
First
 of all, recent studies suggest that children that are exposed to
violence
 in a younger age have more chances to accept the
violence
 as something normal and, for
this
 reason
Add a comma
,
show examples
they tend to develop mental illness .
As a result
, they will try to solve
Correct your spelling
difficult
d
Add an article
a
show examples
iffuclt situation with the help of
violence
, or they could think about commit a crime or even a murder. To tackle
this
 problem the government should take measures in order to protect and obscure the
violence
 to the younger children. One of the solutions could be to impose a minimum age required in order to access any content where
violence
 is shown,
also
 by introducing specific courses in school, where students can talk about
violence
. By doing
this
 children can be prepared to the
violence
 and even if they are exposed to
violence
 in any type of entertainment they will know
that is
 something that they should not reply.
Furthermore
, parents have a fundamental role as they are required to teach to their children how to relate with
violence
 in their younger years. The
first
 education comes from the parents so governments can only try to help families to reach
this
 gold, but they cannot act as a primary source of teaching. In conclusion, I strongly believe that all the
violence
that is
 always more often shown on different types of entertainment for kids,
such
 as TV shows, videogames and graphic novels, have a huge negative impact on children and governments among with parents of the children should act in order to teach and gave a proper knowledge about
violence
.
Submitted by Niccolò on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: