IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

#amount #violence #television #impact #children #behavior
The violence in
T
Add an article
a
show examples
elevision program or in
m
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ovie
was notice
Change the verb form
was noticed
show examples
 more in these days, which may
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 the bad reflect in children's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, in
this
assay
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
 will
disscuse
Correct your spelling
discuss
 the side effects and provide my opinion.
To begin
, the children should be observed by their parents when regarding watching the Television,
furthermore
Add a comma
,
show examples
we should see with our kids what they watch.
For example
, some mothers looking for program name in Netflix kids section,
then
 play it without being in the same room watching what her baby see.
However
, if she was a good mother or father need to watch the whole play or movie
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 let her baby see it, to be sure if it was good enough or not.
Second
, some serial show tries to be so good, optimistic and healthy at the beginning
then
 start to present some violence seeing, which may be effective in the minds of kids.
For instance
, when they present the right reaction doing in
w
Add an article
the
show examples
rong way, or the bad person as unlucky one and start
Add the particle
to
show examples
help the baby be in the side of
b
Add an article
a
show examples
ad person and sad to him. Some kids really
impact
Change the form of the verb
impacted
show examples
 by what they seeing, they spend a lot of time in front of a
Television
Correct your spelling
television
show examples
 screen watching the big and huge mixing between good and bad, right and false which result in the
onfused
Correct your spelling
confused
infused
 vision of the children thinking. In conclusion, I disagree to show or present any of violence in any kind of action, and we take the responsibility for what our kids watching, and support them to be not a victim in the
ront
Correct your spelling
front
 serial show.
Submitted by noufalahmadi819 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: