IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and examples from your experience.

#people #individuals #happiness #factors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 being happy is considered by some to be an individual choice, others believe
this
 depends on many other aspects. In my opinion, a
person
 is only a driving force and
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main actor who is able to make themself satisfied. On one hand, there are many external matters which impact the feeling and well-being of the population.
In other words
, having a high paid job, being surrounded by proper people and simply being lucky are frequently thought to be the only reasons why somebody is cheerful and amused. As evidence, it is often hearted among our colleagues and friends that he or she is so c due to gruesome circumstances or that a job promotion cannot be received because of a selfish
principal
Correct your spelling
principle
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it is regularly said by successful people and psychologists that a
person
 creates its exhilaration on her or his own.
This
 means nobody can rescue individuals from pain or suffer from anxiety without their wishes. Even if all pills or psychologists or magicians struggled to make one
person
 content, it would not work.
For example
, there are numerous interviews with famous and successful people and all of them tell us about hard and intense work during many years while achieving their current position and satisfaction. In conclusion, while people can vary in their opinion, I am firmly convinced that only a
person
 is responsible to do her or his best to find joy and contentment in life.
Submitted by myslitskaya.e on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: