Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the world has changed dramatically well-educated and learn basic training.
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
cause
there Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
are
many murders in our society.Some people believe that the best solution to develop Change the verb form
to be
criminals
ability is education and Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
prepare
Replace the word
preparation
fora
career Correct your spelling
for a
instead
of putting into prisons
.Personally,I strongly agree that Fix the agreement mistake
prison
this
pathway is the greatest form of criminals
.
Begin with, the first main reason is it gives a chance to murders ignorer to Replace the word
crime
changing
their personality.When they notice that they have a Wrong verb form
change
performance
Correct word choice
poor performance
for
finding a job.Change preposition
in
Then
it can gain huge benefits such
as high
salary.That cause they would not be back to do illegal.Correct article usage
a high
Moreover
,it provides a perspective view then
they will become optimistic people. After that ,they will have good quality for spending their time with their family.For instance
, in Thailand, we always support criminal
whoFix the agreement mistake
criminals
Add a missing verb
are
Then
when they get off from
prison, Change preposition
out of
there
will have a company to select who have Correct pronoun usage
they
a
good Correct article usage
apply
skill
.Fix the agreement mistake
skills
Therefore
they will have occupation after they do not have any guilty
.
Replace the word
guilt
Furthermore
, another main reason is murder's
family will not anxious after Replace the word
murderer's
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
back
Add a missing verb
is back
to
society.Change preposition
in
This
is because some parents usually
nervous and they do not know the result what their daughters will do after they go out.So when they practice in prisons, it can confirm that have knowledge for continuing their Add a missing verb
are usually
works
. Fix the agreement mistake
work
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
with
putting them in Change preposition
to
prisons
, they will just know Fix the agreement mistake
prison
their
false but it can reduce their Correct your spelling
they are
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
For example
, in Japan, the government usually help criminal
to have a Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
career
that Fix the agreement mistake
careers
related
to their Add a missing verb
are related
interested
.So their parent will not worry about their path form in the future.
In conclusion, there are many advantages for a criminal to get an education and preparing work Replace the word
interests
such
as having a bright career.Then
their family will not aware
of their jobs.Add a missing verb
be aware
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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, and ideas within the paragraph should flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Make sure to provide a more comprehensive range of perspectives. Your essay should explore both sides of the argument in more depth.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your ideas to make them clearer and more persuasive. Providing more detailed examples from a variety of contexts might help.
coherence cohesion
Your essay successfully presents an introduction and a conclusion that encapsulate your main argument.
task achievement
You've provided specific examples to support your points, like the examples from Thailand and Japan, adding relevance to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion, which reinforces your argument neatly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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