Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the world has changed dramatically

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

there

are

Change the verb form

to be

show examples

many murders in our society.Some people believe that the best solution to develop

criminals

Change noun form

criminals'

criminal's

show examples

ability is education and

prepare

Replace the word

preparation

show examples

fora

Correct your spelling

for a

show examples

career

instead

Linking Words

of putting into

prisons

Fix the agreement mistake

prison

show examples

.Personally,I strongly agree that

this

Linking Words

pathway is the greatest form of

criminals

Replace the word

crime

show examples

. Begin with, the first main reason is it gives a chance to murders ignorer to

changing

Wrong verb form

change

show examples

their personality.When they notice that they have a

performance

Correct word choice

poor performance

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

finding a job.

Then

Linking Words

it can gain huge benefits

such

Linking Words

high

Correct article usage

a high

show examples

salary.That cause they would not be back to do illegal.

Moreover

Linking Words

,it provides a perspective view

then

Linking Words

they will become optimistic people. After that ,they will have good quality for spending their time with their family.

For instance

Linking Words

, in Thailand, we always support

criminal

Fix the agreement mistake

criminals

show examples

who

Add a missing verb

are

show examples

well-educated and learn basic training.

Then

Linking Words

when they get

off from

Change preposition

out of

show examples

prison,

there

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

will have a company to select who have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

Therefore

Linking Words

they will have occupation after they do not have any

guilty

Replace the word

guilt

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, another main reason is

murder's

Replace the word

murderer's

show examples

family will not anxious after

criminal

Correct article usage

the criminal

show examples

back

Add a missing verb

is back

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

society.

This

Linking Words

is because some parents

usually

Add a missing verb

are usually

show examples

nervous and they do not know the result what their daughters will do after they go out.So when they practice in prisons, it can confirm that have knowledge for continuing their

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

Comparing

Wrong verb form

Compared

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

putting them in

prisons

Fix the agreement mistake

prison

show examples

, they will just know

their

Correct your spelling

they are

show examples

false but it can reduce their

performances

Fix the agreement mistake

performance

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, in Japan, the government usually help

criminal

Fix the agreement mistake

criminals

show examples

to have a

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

that

Add a missing verb

are related

show examples

to their

interested

Replace the word

interests

show examples

.So their parent will not worry about their path form in the future. In conclusion, there are many advantages for a criminal to get an education and preparing work

such

Linking Words

as having a bright career.

Then

Linking Words

their family will not

aware

Add a missing verb

be aware

show examples

of their jobs.

tweetyjahjahjah

Nov 5, 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, and ideas within the paragraph should flow logically from one to the next.

task achievement

Make sure to provide a more comprehensive range of perspectives. Your essay should explore both sides of the argument in more depth.

task achievement

Try to elaborate more on your ideas to make them clearer and more persuasive. Providing more detailed examples from a variety of contexts might help.

coherence cohesion

Your essay successfully presents an introduction and a conclusion that encapsulate your main argument.

task achievement

You've provided specific examples to support your points, like the examples from Thailand and Japan, adding relevance to your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion, which reinforces your argument neatly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

recidivism
reintegration
rehabilitation
punitive measures
mindset
behavioral change
workforce preparation
prospects
reoffending
employment opportunities
socioeconomic
low-risk offenders
serious offenders
balance
productive members of society
economic burden
public safety
offender rehabilitation
transformative programs

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Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many parts of the world people do research in family history. Some people believe research on previous generation to be useful while others say that it is better to focus on present and future generation.discuss both views and show your opinion.

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to get news. However, others people believe that they can get better through another media platform. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The use of mobile phones should be banned in public space such as libraries, transportations, and shops. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You work for an international company and you need some time off to attend a family celebration. Write a letter to the company’s manager. In your letter:give details of the celebrationexplain the reason why you need time offsuggest a way to have your work done during that time.