IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that a high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #salary #company #work #atmosphere
It is clear that
, nowadays, everybody is always looking for the perfect
job
.
Although
 some people believe that a high wage is the most important factor to consider when choosing the right company to work for, others support that a nice working atmosphere is much more important to
get
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 in mind. In
this
 essay, I will explore both sides and explain why I agree with the latter one. Even though we all know that “baggers can´t be choosers”, when looking for the first employment, younger generations tend to seek high-salary jobs. As their first time getting employed, they
rawly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
may think that nothing else matters but money. For those people, is there a good salary, it is fine to have competitive
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
colleges
, negativity, and even a mean boss.
As a result
,
although
being
Wrong verb form
they are
show examples
 well paid, in most cases, they hardly get to complete a year working for the same employer.
For example
, despite the great salaries that are mostly paid in Rede Globo, the average time that a young
jornalist
Correct your spelling
journalist
 stays employed in the institute can be less than 10 months.
On the other hand
, people more mature, with whom I agree,
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 how important it is to have a good working atmosphere.
Therefore
, when looking for a
job
, they tend to seek a company where they might find happy
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
, nice work conditions, and
flexiblity
Correct your spelling
flexibility
. As a result, they get to spend years and years working in the same
job
. Netflix is a great example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it.
Although
 their employees may not have enormous wages, they seem to be very happy to be part of the incorporation. As a conclusion, even though knowing that a good wage is
also
 important, I believe that a good working atmosphere is what we must consider when we are looking for the perfect
job
. That´s because, in my opinion, no money in the world can pay
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 happiness of working in a peaceful place.
Submitted by agenciabrushup on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: