Mobile phones and the Internet are very useful for old people. However, this section of population is the fewer users of mobile phones and the Internet. In what ways can mobile phones and the Internet be useful to the old people? How can the old people be encouraged to use this new technology?

Although

Linking Words

advanced

technologies

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as cellphones and the

Internet

Use synonyms

, it is observed that few

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elderly

Use synonyms

use

Check wording

people use

show examples

them. There are several benefits of using cellphones and the

Internet

Use synonyms

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

some effective methods should be taken to encourage the old to apply these

technologies

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

with, it is undeniable that cellphones and the

Internet

Use synonyms

bring significant advantages for the elderly.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it is the easiest

ways

Fix the agreement mistake

way

show examples

for them to keep in contact with their children or

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

by making calls. Smartphones

server

Replace the word

serve

show examples

calls

video

Punctuation problem

, video

show examples

calls

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

connects

Correct subject-verb agreement

connect

show examples

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

Internet

Use synonyms

Linking Words

while

Punctuation problem

, while

show examples

the

Internet

Use synonyms

supports several free

communicating

Replace the word

communication

show examples

ways for people to contact directly

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

as Facebook,

vibe

Fix capitalization

Vibe

show examples

skype

Fix capitalization

Skype

show examples

Therefore

Linking Words

, the elderly are probably to meet their friends and children almost

time

Correct determiner usage

every time

show examples

they want by using

this

Linking Words

application.

As a result

Linking Words

, old people do not feel lonely anymore.

Secondly

Linking Words

, old people

often

Verb problem

are often

show examples

weak, being likely to go out as adults, so they may access a lot of information for entertainment and online shopping.

For example

Linking Words

, they might order food, clothes and transfer money through the

Internet

Use synonyms

. They

also

Linking Words

read online books without going to the library

Punctuation problem

, or

show examples

they can watch extremely interesting movies.

However

Linking Words

, there are several efficient remedies to

promote

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

the elderly to

use

Use synonyms

these

technologies

Use synonyms

. Owing to their age, it is a bit difficult for them to approach new

technologies

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

, their children should teach them how to

use

Use synonyms

, showing the clear benefits of the

technologies

Use synonyms

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

will attract them to

use

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

, senior citizens usually have weak eyesight, so they should buy cell phones, computers or other devices which have big keyboards and screens to see easily. When understanding and using clearly, I believe that senior citizens may spend

much

Fix the agreement mistake

a lot of

show examples

time on them. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

approaching new

technologies

Use synonyms

is difficult for the elderly, there are some advantages to using them. It is

also

Linking Words

responsible for

families’

Check wording

apply

show examples

members to motivate and support to take benefits for the old generation.

Harvey

Nov 9, 2020

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task

Add more clear links that show how each idea fits the task. Plan the answer with 2 parts: benefits and ways to help; give a short finish.

coherence

Make one clear idea per paragraph. Use simple links like first, also, but, so to move from idea to idea.

content

The essay shows some good examples of use, like calling family and buying items online.

purpose

It talks about why the old may not use tech and how family can help.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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Mobile phones and the Internet are very useful for old people. However, this section of population is the fewer users of mobile phones and the Internet. In what ways can mobile phones and the Internet be useful to the old people? How can the old people be encouraged to use this new technology?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Unemployment is a growing problem all over the world. What are the causes of this? What could be done to help tackle this issue? To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Using mobile phones and computers, many people are not able to communicate face-to-face.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.