in the Future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries,a
malt
Correct your spelling
mall
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is known as a shopping centre. The main purpose of a shopping centre was to shop.
This
is beginning to change and I believe that in the future, the main purpose of a mall will be for entertainment. More and more of us enjoy shopping online. It is safer than ever and much more convenient. Many websites attract
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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with free delivery or sale
off in
Change preposition
on
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special days. On sites like eBay and Amazon, there is far more choice and there are
also
many discounts and special offers. Obviously,
this
means that fewer shops will be needed.
However
, people still want to go out, meet their friends and have fun. A shopping centre is a place which offers space to do that. If people have done their shopping online, the mall will have to extend other facilities to attract visitors. Some
malls
already have cinemas and places to eat.
However
,
as well as
cheaper cafes and fast food chains,
malls
are beginning to offer better restaurants and places to eat. I believe
this
trend will continue.
In addition
,
malls
will offer all kinds of leisure facilities
such
as gyms, swimming pools, children's play areas, spas, and so on. There will be more live shows, including music, theatre and dance, and a range of exhibitions and special events. In a nutshell, I believe
malls
have an important role in future society but they will have a different purpose from today. There will still be a few shops but most people will go to the mall to relax and enjoy themselves with their family and friends.
Submitted by Andy on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt adequately and comprehensively. However, remember to clearly state your position in the introduction and use your body paragraphs to provide supporting reasons.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical progression of ideas in your essay, and the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented. Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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