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Band 4.5

Instead of asking the government to bear the cost of higher education, students should pay their own tuition fees themselves. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #cost #education #students #tuition #fees
Some people hold the view that students should pay for their own higher education fees.
However
, others believe that students don't have enough time to make
money
 and
otherwise
 can obstruct their study progress. In my opinion, they should afford
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
in
s
Add an article
the
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tudy rather than ask for help from governments. Doing some part-time jobs enable students to learn about
v
Add an article
the
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alues of
money
 and become
independently
Replace the word
independent
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. The only way for them to pay for their tuition bills by themselves is to go out of the campus and find some jobs to earn
money
. During the process, they have more opportunities to deal with challenges and figure out solutions by themselves because there isn't anyone
c
Add a pronoun
who
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an help them, which is completely different from
in
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
schools. When they work in KFC,
for example
, they have to resolve
conplaints
Correct your spelling
complaints
 from clients or conflicts with colleagues, which can improve their independent and problem-solving abilities a lot. Gradually, they usually can understand how difficult to make a living and cherish every
coins
Change to a singular noun
coin
show examples
 and even labour. Integrating into society in advance can help them find the right direction of their career path. Compared with students who pay their tuitions by government, they can find their interests in advance by working or being
i
Add an article
an
show examples
nternship in various industries when
earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
money
. Some people think working while studying maybe
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 students' study, most students can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 good use of their free time, like weekend or vacations.
For example
, some students don't know what's specific job orientation in the future, they can value the internship or part time-job to find out the real interest of their careers. To sum up, students should pay for their own tuitions because it not only contributes to their
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 help them prepare for their career path earlier.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bear the cost
  • tuition fees
  • financial management
  • taxpayer burden
  • public finances
  • allocate resources
  • social inequality
  • socio-economic disparities
  • access to higher education
  • long-term economic benefits
  • educated workforce
  • earning potentials
  • investment vs expense
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