Some believe that advances in technology are increasing the gap between rich and poor while others think the opposite is happening. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

It is believed that advanced

technology

is a cause of the increasing

gap

between the rich and the people, but many argue that what is happening is the opposite. Personally, I agree that advances in

technology

allow

this

gap

to decrease.

To begin

with, what is worth highlighting is that

technology

is becoming more and more common. Nowadays, computers can be found in libraries and schools,

therefore

no longer is it available for only the chosen ones.

This

gives people more opportunity to start their own business. Many websites, that can be useful tools for that, are free (namely social media

such

as Instagram or Facebook, which are perfect places

Add the comma(s)

show examples

to begin

with).

Consequently

, advertising and promoting your products are much easier than

Change the pronoun

they

show examples

used to be. In comparison, before

technology

has

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

so common,

Add an article

the

show examples

mall business had to rely on others to grow.

On the other hand

, not only are more advanced tools still out of the reach of poorer entrepreneurs

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

access to them has

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

Add an article

the

show examples

rademark of the rich. Devices,

such

as the newest iPhone, are commonly used by children to show off in front of their friends which leads to

Add an article

the

show examples

ncreasing

gap

. To illustrate things that are taken for granted in developed countries are still quite unknown in many places in Asia and Africa.

In other words

, the aforementioned

gap

can be noticed regionally but

also

globally. In conclusion, I believe that

technology

, if it used smartly, can successfully end

Remove the article

apply

show examples

growth of

Add an article

the

show examples

ap between rich and poor, bu t it can

also

cause it to still increasing.

Submitted by agatazda on Thu Nov 12 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

advances in technology
gap between rich and poor
economic inequality
access to technology
competitive edge
job displacement
automation
impoverished areas
technological innovations
new job opportunities
internet connectivity
access to information
empower
educate
disadvantaged backgrounds
mobile banking
financial inclusion
education technology
equal learning opportunities
exacerbate
alleviate

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Some believe that advances in technology are increasing the gap between rich and poor while others think the opposite is happening. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Global warming causes the increase of sea levels. What is the problem may people face and possible solution