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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some believe that advances in technology are increasing the gap between rich and poor while others think the opposite is happening. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #advances #technology #gap
It is believed that advanced
technology
 is a cause of the increasing
gap
 between the rich and the people, but many argue that what is happening is the opposite. Personally, I agree that advances in
technology
 allow
this
gap
 to decrease.
To begin
 with, what is worth highlighting is that
technology
 is becoming more and more common. Nowadays, computers can be found in libraries and schools,
therefore
 no longer is it available for only the chosen ones.
This
 gives people more opportunity to start their own business. Many websites, that can be useful tools for that, are free (namely social media
such
 as Instagram or Facebook, which are perfect places
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
to begin
 with).
Consequently
, advertising and promoting your products are much easier than
it
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 used to be. In comparison, before
technology
 has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 so common,
s
Add an article
the
show examples
mall business had to rely on others to grow.
On the other hand
, not only are more advanced tools still out of the reach of poorer entrepreneurs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 access to them has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
t
Add an article
a
the
show examples
rademark of the rich. Devices,
such
 as the newest iPhone, are commonly used by children to show off in front of their friends which leads to
i
Add an article
the
show examples
ncreasing
gap
. To illustrate things that are taken for granted in developed countries are still quite unknown in many places in Asia and Africa.
In other words
, the aforementioned
gap
 can be noticed regionally but
also
 globally. In conclusion, I believe that
technology
, if it used smartly, can successfully end
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
growth of
g
Add an article
the
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ap between rich and poor, bu t it can
also
 cause it to still increasing.
Submitted by agatazda on

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  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advances in technology
  • gap between rich and poor
  • economic inequality
  • access to technology
  • competitive edge
  • job displacement
  • automation
  • impoverished areas
  • technological innovations
  • new job opportunities
  • internet connectivity
  • access to information
  • empower
  • educate
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • mobile banking
  • financial inclusion
  • education technology
  • equal learning opportunities
  • exacerbate
  • alleviate
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