IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#society #ban #forms #purpose
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Nowadays, advertising of all kinds has increasingly become one of the most familiar marketing tools.
While
 some people believe in its value, others still argue against the popularity of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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. In my opinion, despite certain drawbacks, the complete prohibition of advertising is actually unreasonable. On the one hand, there are a couple of negativities involved in the development of advertising. The first problem is
about
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apply
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the low reliability of
advertisements
. Because the competition between businesses in the same field is getting more and more fierce and severe these days, entrepreneurs are prone to deliver distorted and exaggerated information about their products.
Secondly
, the presence of
advertisement
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advertisements
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 sometimes turns out to be annoying to viewers.
For example
, some forms of advertising,
such
 as TV commercials or pop-ups, may unexpectedly interrupt
while
 people enjoy their favourite programmes.
On the other hand
,
advertisements
 should not be absolutely banned for several reasons. To commence with, the more strongly advertising develops, the more prosperous the economy will become. Thanks to different kinds of
advertisements
, products and goods can effectively reach prospective consumers.
As a consequence
, the market of businesses is likely to be expanded and
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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domestic production will
also
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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.
Besides
, customers can gather useful information about products they wish to buy from a wide range of
advertisements
. They allow customers to carefully consider and compare brands before their purchase.
This
 is how they can make the wisest buying decision and do their shopping efficiently. In conclusion, I am deeply convinced that advertising does more good than harm indeed.
Although
 a few forms of advertisement may appear to be unreliable and annoying, advertising really plays a crucial role in boosting the national economy
along with
 facilitating
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 shopping process.
Submitted by nghoangkieuanh on

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task response
Ensure that your arguments are directly relevant to the topic and that you stay focused on addressing the question throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence of your essay, such as transitions, pronouns, and linking words.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to include more complex and precise terminology related to the topic. Consider using synonyms and idiomatic expressions to enrich your language.
grammatical range
Work on varying the structure of your sentences and using a wider range of grammatical structures, including complex and compound sentences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • unnecessary expenditure
  • critical source
  • informed choices
  • misleading
  • exaggerate
  • survival
  • target audience
  • environmental degradation
  • disposal
  • art and expression
  • social and cultural value
  • commercial intent
  • reasoned conclusion
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