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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents have a great in!uence on their children. Others believe that the media is a bigger in!uence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 day and age, the influence on a child’s development has still been a subject of heated debate.
While
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 many people suppose that family exerts the greatest impact on
children
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;
however
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, some say that other influences
such
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 as music or other people have the biggest influence on a child. On the one hand,
Parents
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 are important. After all, they are the first teacher and the role model of a child.
Children
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 learn much of social skills from their
parents
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. In fact, the atmosphere at home plays a vital role in shaping their character and personality. That
also
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 explains why kids born to successful
parents
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also
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 become successful in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Besides
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,
children
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 spend a huge amount of time being with
parents
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 at home and it is easy for them to witness the way how everyday issues are handled by their
parents
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.
On the other hand
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, we
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
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 ignore the influence of
media
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 on youngsters.
Firstly
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, most
parents
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 are now busy and get to spend only a small amount of time with their
children
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. Now, the
media
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 has assumed the role of the
baby sitter
Correct your spelling
babysitter
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.
Besides
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,
media
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 can be widely accessed by a large number of audiences nowadays, allowing
children
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 to learn international affairs and current news.
For example
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, some teachers encourage students to watch news outside school time, which makes
children
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 learn more from mass
media
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. In
this
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 way,
children
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 will consider TV as a study tool and believe the information
that is
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 delivered from it. In conclusion,
although
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it is clear that
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 family has a great effect on
children
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, I believe that
media
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 exerts the most profound
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
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 on a child’s development
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in
this
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 digital and technological age.

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task response
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that you clearly discuss both views as outlined in the prompt. Make sure to give equal weight to the influence of parents and the media on children. Additionally, provide a balanced view in your own opinion rather than favoring one side.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on structuring your essay more effectively. Include a clear introduction that introduces the topic and previews the main points. Develop each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Finally, end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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