IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people agree that local
governments
Use synonyms
 have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
of investing
Change preposition
to invest
show examples
 money in creating more works of art like
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
show examples
 and statues in
cities
Use synonyms
 in order to provide a comfortable, picturesque living
environment
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.
However
Linking Words
, I opine that local
governments
Use synonyms
 should use their annual
budgets
Use synonyms
 more wisely and invest in essential sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system, health care service and pollution prevention
instead
Linking Words
 of in
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, more
arts
Use synonyms
 in public around the
cities
Use synonyms
 may
lead
Verb problem
make
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 urban views more beautiful and attractive
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
but
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 it is not a necessary element to maintain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high quality of
life
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 for local
residents
Use synonyms
.
As comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 to increasing
budgets
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 in art creations to create stunning street views, other strategies
such
Linking Words
 as constructing more local roads to reduce traffic jams, planting more trees along the roads, especially in inner
cities
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, and hiring more cleaning workers to keep streets clean are more important and efficient in providing lovely and well-organized urban living habitats for local
residents
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 to enjoy their lives.
In addition
Linking Words
,
arts
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 provide a sense of beauty for their audiences, but they are not essential for
residents
Use synonyms
' daily
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 modern
arts
Use synonyms
 may enhance urban views and create some unique features for local cultures, well-organized and well-funded
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 and excellent educational institutes play a crucial role in
residents
Use synonyms
' daily
life
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. People can live without
arts
Use synonyms
 in
cities
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while
Linking Words
 social services are definitely disturbed by the lack of proper and well-operating schools or hospitals.
Hence
Linking Words
, investing limited annual
budgets
Use synonyms
 in creating
arts
Use synonyms
 across the
cities
Use synonyms
 is not a wise strategy
whereas
Linking Words
 spending money on fundamental facilities is a key step to create a better living
environment
Use synonyms
 for local
residents
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the majority of
residents
Use synonyms
 commonly strive for a
city
Use synonyms
 with clean air and close-zero pollution to raise their families
instead
Linking Words
 of seeking modern
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, eliminating and preventing all kinds of
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 is a key point for local
governments
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 to make their
cities
Use synonyms
 more environmentally friendly and attractive. Clean air, abundant trees and well-organized residential communities are more significant for
residents
Use synonyms
' daily
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. Unless a
city
Use synonyms
 is extremely wealthy with high annual revenue, the annual budget should not be used
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 creating
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 to make a better living
environment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, only a small proportion of the annual budget on
arts
Use synonyms
 may be acceptable. In conclusion,
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
budgets
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 local
governments
Use synonyms
 are limited.
Arts
Use synonyms
 may enhance the beauty of a
city
Use synonyms
, but a lean living
environment
Use synonyms
 with low pollution, well-organized public facilities
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals and schools, and well-developed civil blueprints are more crucial to provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 for local
residents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is unwise to invest money in creating
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 to decorate the
city
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Ensure that all examples and arguments are directly relevant to the question. Use specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Develop stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as linking words and transition phrases to improve the flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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