IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #world #money #illnesses #diseases #health #education #prevention
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I agree with the statement that Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Every area of the world
have
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has
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 their individual health care policies and different people facing
diffrent
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different
 types of diseases. Today
w
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the
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estern world spend
h
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a
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uge amount of money on their citizens but
comparitively
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comparatively
 very less amount on prevention. It
offten
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often
seen
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is seen
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 that every problem has
it's
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its
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s
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a
the
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olution in it. The Government can
defenetly
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definitely
 can do
v
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a
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arious thing to solve these types of issues.
For instance
 awareness about healthy
life style
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lifestyle
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, Strict rules for product packaging to
mentain
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maintain
 it's
catagory
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category
 with red, green and black marks. Health education should starts from school level so that at least after
f
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a
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ew years they will get good results out of it. Majority problems regarding illness
is
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are
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occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 due to lack of exercise & proper knowledge etc.
However
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,
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The Government can promote
bycles
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bicycles
 or walk for short distance
instead
 of
c
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a
the
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ar or other vehicles. It will
some how
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somehow
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s
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to
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olve traffic problem too. The government can keen keep eye on agriculture where majority chemicals are used which is
b
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the
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asic reason
of
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for
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 long term diseases like Cancer, Stroke. Every country
have
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has
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 their
their
Remove the redundancy
apply
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own reasons like people don't understand, we can't change
this
 situation due to
h
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the
a
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uge population and so on. Best way to solve
this
 issue is to
first
 teach people what is
h
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a
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ealthy
life style
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lifestyle
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, prefered food
acording
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according
 to their location, importance of fitness, regular time out of
b
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the
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usy schedule for their own
body
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bodily
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 wellness. Parents are role models for children once they start everybody start. It is
also
 understood that some illness arises suddenly without any prior symptoms.
Awarness
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Awareness
 about health, caring, regular body fitness
excersize
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exercise
realy
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really
 makes a difference. Though
g
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the
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overnment can't avoid spends over treatment but
this
 will change
p
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the
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icture completely.
Submitted by hKc47$p# on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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