the number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. why do people do operations to change their look? do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

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With the advent of science and technology in medicine, more and more

people

Use synonyms

are getting familiar with plastic and cosmetic

surgeries

Use synonyms

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

a vast majority of individuals have seen undergoing these procedures to get their desired look.

This

Linking Words

essay will decipher why

people

Use synonyms

are proceeding with these

surgeries

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and

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

benefits

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

along with

Linking Words

a particular premise. The first and foremost reason

people

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go through these procedures is that

people

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feel improved self-esteem because many of the population

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

unhappy with their external appearance and have several insecurities because they do not socialize much.

However

Linking Words

, cosmetic surgery does wonders for

people

Use synonyms

's social

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and mental health by giving them confidence and their desired look.

Secondly

Linking Words

, every person has

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

idols who follow and

imitate

Correct pronoun usage

imitate them

show examples

; by seeing their incredible transformation after

surgeries

Use synonyms

people

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get encouraged and undergo these

surgeries

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. One leading example of

this

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claim is the Kardashian sisters, who did many

surgeries

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to bring their incredible and gorgeous outer look. They completely changed the definition of female standard beauty and thinness.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, aesthetic surgery helps

people

Use synonyms

have a positive psychological mindset because they get indulged

into

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show examples

stress, anxiety, and depression from the

bully

Fix the agreement mistake

bullies

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of society and other

people

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around them, which

harm

Correct subject-verb agreement

harms

show examples

their medical condition and

influence

Correct subject-verb agreement

influences

show examples

their concentration and work potential. It

also

Linking Words

encourages them to proceed with these

surgeries

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, the results

last

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for a more extended period and

even

Add a missing verb

are even

show examples

permanent, which relieves any worry of getting their undesired look back.

Therefore

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people

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opt for cosmetic procedures as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

renders

Correct subject-verb agreement

render

show examples

huge benefits socially and mentally. In conclusion,

although

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aesthetic surgery has some side effects, adverse effects can be avoided with proper attention and care.

Overall

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, it generates a myriad of advantages with a sense of satisfaction.

Submitted by muskanjot1999 on Sat Dec 05 2020

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task response

The essay has addressed the prompt by discussing the reasons why people undergo cosmetic surgery and evaluating whether it is a positive or negative development. More focus on the negative aspects could enhance the completeness of the response.

coherence and cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons for cosmetic surgery, and a conclusion. Transition words could be used more effectively to improve the coherence between paragraphs.

task response

Clear discussion of reasons for undergoing cosmetic surgery

coherence and cohesion

Well-structured essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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the number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. why do people do operations to change their look? do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Do advantages of working at home outweigh diadvantages?

Nowsday, a growing numboer of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Too much emphasis is placed on education. More government money should be spent on providing free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that edcation should be the responsible of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themsevles . Dicuss both views , express your opinion .

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve.