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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the past few years, entrepreneurship
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 on the rise
due to
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 burgeoning developments in the STEM field.
While
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people recommend at least a graduate
degree
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 to enter
in
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apply
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the field of
business
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, others advocate that there are other non-conventional
ways
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 to learn the
business
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and my support for the latter view. The higher
education
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degree
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-awarding institutions aim to provide high-quality
education
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 to
the
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apply
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students
Use synonyms
 who want to learn entrepreneurship.
As a result
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, they hire experienced professionals who normally own various
businesses
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, so that they can provide practical knowledge to their
students
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.
Moreover
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, those institutions
also
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 follow the approach of taking exams. In
this
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 way, the
students
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 are required to go through all the lectures and learn all the concepts to become eligible for the
degree
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. As an example, 99% of graduates of Harvard
Business
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 School have remained successful in starting their own
businesses
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 over the past 7 years.
Therefore
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, sparing some amount for a better
college
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education
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 to learn
business
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 techniques is a righteous decision.
On the other hand
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, there are various other
ways
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 to learn entrepreneurship and to start a successful
venture
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. One of the best
ways
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 is to volunteer with successful
venture
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 capitalists and learn practical
business
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 techniques from them.
This
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 method allows the learners to understand the
business
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 concepts and
getting
Verb problem
gain
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 their hands-on
experience
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 in operating the
businesses
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 before they can start their own
venture
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.
According to
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 a recent survey conducted by The
Business
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 firm, the entrepreneurs who had practical
experience
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 of working with a successful
venture
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 had become more successful than those who had a
college
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degree
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.
Hence
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, it can be said that success in
business
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 depends more upon having
a
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apply
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practical
experience
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 than having a
degree
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for
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
To sum up
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,
college
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education
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 teaches the concepts and
provide
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provides
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 a learning
experience
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 to start a
business
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,
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;
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however
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, there are other
ways
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 which allow
the
Correct article usage
apply
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learners to have a practical exposure
of
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to
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businesses
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. In my opinion, the
students
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 should
attempt for
Verb problem
pursue
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 a
college
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degree
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 if they can afford
Correct pronoun usage
it, otherwise
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,
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;
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otherwise
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, they should participate
with
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in
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 a successful
business
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 to
get
Verb problem
gain
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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practical
experience
Use synonyms
 to start their own
business
Use synonyms
.

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content
Add more real facts or clear numbers to back up claims and avoid big general tips.
cohesion
Work on how ideas are joined. Use more linking words and show clear flow from one idea to the next.
structure
Give a stronger, clear end. Repeat the main view at the end to seal your point.
structure
The essay shows a clear view and follows a simple plan.
content
It uses some good examples to show points.
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