IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It has been known the use of automobiles contributes to environmental harm; however, the number of car-making industries and the frequency of driving are still on the climb. What are the reasons and how to reverse this trend?

It is prevalent in the modern era that everyone should own a ride for daily convenience.
Although
Linking Words
, cars have made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lives easier but putting the environment at risk as well.
However
Linking Words
, car agencies are growing at a peak level.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the causes of
automobile
Correct article usage
the automobile
show examples
 trend and solutions for it. Having a vehicle
is feel
Wrong verb form
feels
show examples
 like a need in today's world as public transport does not provide smooth service.
For example
Linking Words
, getting late in busy hours and taking too long for a short distance
due to
Linking Words
 many stops in a way.
Also
Linking Words
, riders have to wait for buses in bad weather. People who own cars do not need to worry about carrying heavy items and extreme weather which makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life way easier. Owning a vehicle saves the time
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 can invest in other activities. To control the environmental harm,
car making
Add a hyphen
car-making
show examples
 companies can start investing money in electric cars which would help to save fuel and the surroundings as well.
Further
Linking Words
, the Government can encourage families and friends to use fewer
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
overnment
Correct your spelling
government
 can make aware of the benefits of carpooling which reduces the number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on road at working hours.
In addition
Linking Words
, the Government can put advertisements on posters, magazines, newspapers, and the internet as well to
let
Verb problem
make
show examples
 generations aware of the nature losses caused by
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there is no doubt that
vehicles
Use synonyms
 have made daily life convenient
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is everybody's responsibility to take care of the climate for future generations.
While
Linking Words
 enjoying the technology sources we are responsible for the well-being of the natural resources and habitat.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly explain the main reasons and solutions in separate paragraphs. This helps the reader follow your ideas better.
task achievement
Use more specific and clear examples to support each point.
grammar and language
Check for grammar and spelling mistakes to improve clarity.
task achievement
You have presented clear points about the convenience of cars and their effect on the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is good for structure.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: