Some people believe that all students should be made to have an unpaid job in their free time. Do you agree or disagree?

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Volunteers are one of the major pillars of civil societies. They not only help to
upliftment
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uplift
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the underprivileged sections but
also
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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help to take them to the mainstream of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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.
Thus
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, I totally agree that pupils need to join various social groups to do volunteer jobs in their leisure time. To develop a progressive
society
Use synonyms
, everyone has to play their part in
upliftment
Correct article usage
the upliftment
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of weaker sections and pupils can play the most important role in
this
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process; as they are the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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who can easily invest their leisure time. There are so many
activities
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which a student can perform
such
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as
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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the children,
guide
Wrong verb form
guiding
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them about the government's welfare schemes and socially aware them
about
Change preposition
of
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their rights. These
activities
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will not only connect them socially but
also
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it will give them
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inner peace and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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of self-satisfaction.
Moreover
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, these
activities
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also
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help them to build a moral character which is very much required to build a strong
society
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as well as
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a nation.
In addition
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to
this
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, these
activities
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will
also
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develop confidence in the pupils. They will learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
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soft and interpersonal skills by interacting with different
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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;
as well as
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they will
also
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get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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field experience.
Besides
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this
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, It will
also
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help them to burst their study stress by earning
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extra marks in
extra curriculum
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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activities
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. They
also
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can get recognition from the government in terms of monetary benefits.
Moreover
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, there are many
NGO's
Change noun form
NGOs
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and social groups which can offer them paid jobs after the completion of their graduation.
For example
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, a pupil can get the job to aware
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people about their rights if he or she has past experience in the same field.
To conclude
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, a better
society
Use synonyms
needs volunteers to uplift their
weeker
Correct your spelling
weaker
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fractions.
This
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is the only way we can turn our beautiful world into heaven.
Submitted by inderjeetsinghsethi on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents clear, comprehensive ideas. However, make sure to stick closely to the prompt and fully address all aspects of the question.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with a good introduction and conclusion. Work on maintaining consistent and effective coherence and cohesion throughout the essay by using transitional phrases and linking words to connect your ideas.
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