IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that the best method to master
business
Use synonyms
 is enrolling
to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 course
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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 or
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
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,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
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claim that there are more beneficial ways to study
business
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the first opinion
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 outlines that formal education is a crucial factor for learning
business
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 suggest that the best method to study
business
Use synonyms
 is the courses that universities and colleges provide. The main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 point of view is the existence of
systematic
Correct article usage
a systematic
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 teaching method with the assistance of professional educators in the university
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is hardly found in other places. It is
therefore
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 agreed that the indispensable role of education cannot be denied or replaced.
For instance
Linking Words
, programs like MBA
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 a sufficient amount of knowledge and technical
skills
Use synonyms
 in order to survive in the modern
business
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 world. On the other side, the rest of the
people
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 claim that the individual does not need a higher education degree in order to achieve success in the
business
Use synonyms
. The supporting reason for
this
Linking Words
 statement can be considered as the requirement of the practical and interpersonal
skills
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 for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 successful career in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 in turn is not taught in schools,
while
Linking Words
 they all can be gained if someone starts
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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business
Use synonyms
 at a young age. Despite
this
Linking Words
, it is not recommended to rely on innate
skills
Use synonyms
 and develop
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
a business
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 without
the
Correct article usage
apply
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guidance, because it is
a quite
Correct word order
quite a
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 dangerous game to put up with if one does not know the right direction.
For example
Linking Words
, most experts highlight that the possibility of success in
business
Use synonyms
 without a degree is not guaranteed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 who earned it without having one had a bunch of educated
people
Use synonyms
 around them who mentored them on that pathway. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that studying
business
Use synonyms
 in colleges and universities is the most preferable way because of the assistance of professionals,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others disagree with the previous statement
due to
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 the fact that some
skills
Use synonyms
 cannot be taught and studied and dealing
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business
Change preposition
with business
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 is one of them.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to
realize
Use the right word
realise
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 that having a detailed background about the
business
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 ensures
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 steps have been taken towards success.

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task achievement
Make the essay more balanced by giving equal weight to both views and clearly explain why you pick your own view.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show the order and connection of ideas between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence
Support ideas with clearer examples and explain how they back your point.
structure
You show a clear stance in the introduction and keep it in the conclusion.
content
You mention both views and give an opinion, which shows awareness of task.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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