IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Is teaching people over 65 to use computers the best way to spend government money? To what extent do you agree?

#people #computers #government #money
Nowadays, many people are of the opinion that training
seniors
 on how to use the
computer
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 one of the great ways the government can consider to allocate their public expenditure. In my opinion, I strongly believe that
this
 way will benefit the elderly in many positive ways. By
familiar
Replace the word
familiarising
show examples
 themselves with modern technologies, the acquisition of
computer
 knowledge makes
seniors
 more confident in society. Old people can learn some basic
computer
 skills
such
 as word processing or browsing the internet.
As a result
, they will gain more confidence in the usage of technology and can operate these machines and software in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 absence of other's assistance.
Consequently
, they make use of their skills to involve in several activities on the Internet
such
 as social media or online forums. A survey conducted by the University of British Columbia found that
seniors
 who participate in the online community feel less lonely compared to their peers.
Moreover
, electronic devices can shorten the distances between
seniors
 and their descendants. As young generations spend most of their time on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media using their smartphones, their grandparents can communicate with them more frequently if they know how to operate their computers because their vision is limited for the usage of handheld devices. It is a great way for the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 to keep in touch with their grandchildren, and even to establish
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 online which can lead them to a positive lifestyle and improve their mental health. In conclusion, it is undeniable that knowledge of
computer
 usage benefits senior citizens in different ways, and the government should consider spending more budget to educate them.
Submitted by hnamca on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one to strengthen the overall structure of the essay.
task response
Ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the task question, and provide specific examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive function
  • Digital divide
  • Lifelong learning
  • Cognitive decline
  • Digital inclusion
  • Autonomy
  • Reliance
  • Healthcare allocation
  • Elderly empowerment
  • Budget constraints
  • Intergenerational connections
  • Social connectivity
  • Online services
  • Technological literacy
  • Cost-effectiveness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: