IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, it is difficult for family members and friends to spend enough time with elderly people to look after them. What do you think the cause of the problem? What can we do for the problem?

#countries #members #friends #time #people
Thanks to the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 society, some problems occur nowadays. Spending enough
time
 with seniors to take
care
 of them is challenging for family members and friends.
This
 essay explores the reasons for
this
 phenomenon and
a
Add an article
the
show examples
ctions that our society can take to mitigate these issues. There are several reasons why it is hard for family and friends to have sufficient
time
 with elderly people to take
care
 of them. The obvious reason is that the proportion of nuclear family increases.
This
 is because young generation
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to move to cities in order to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
school and find jobs.
As a result
, it takes a
time
 to visit seniors. Another reason is women’s social participation. Unlike five
decade
Change to a plural noun
decades
show examples
 ago, most women have work now,
therefore
, they can see elderly people only when they do not have work. In order to tackle these problems, various measures can be taken.
Firstly
,
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment should establish nursing facilities in the cities.
Consequently
,
f
Add an article
a
the
show examples
amily member who
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
 in major cities can access easily, which allow them to visit and look after elderly people.
Secondly
,
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment should introduce a law in terms of family
care
 leave and all company should accept employee can apply it as their rights. When people can use
this
 system, family members and friends can have more
time
 spending with their seniors. In conclusion, the problem that family members and friends cannot have enough
time
 to spend
time
 with their elderly people to take
care
 of them comes from various reasons, but
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment can take steps to solve these issues.
Submitted by aiko.miyazaki123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: