In some countries, it is difficult for family members and friends to spend enough time with elderly people to look after them. What do you think the cause of the problem? What can we do for the problem?

Thanks to the
aging
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ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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society, some problems occur nowadays. Spending enough
time
with seniors to take
care
of them is challenging for family members and friends.
This
essay explores the reasons for
this
phenomenon and
a
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the

It appears that an article is missing before the word actions. Consider adding the article.

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ctions that our society can take to mitigate these issues. There are several reasons why it is hard for family and friends to have sufficient
time
with elderly people to take
care
of them. The obvious reason is that the proportion of nuclear family increases.
This
is because young generation
tend
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tends

The plural verb tend does not appear to agree with the singular subject young generation. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to move to cities in order to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol

The spelling of enroll is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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Verify preposition usage
in

It appears that there is a missing preposition after the word enroll. Consider adding the preposition.

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school and find jobs.
As a result
, it takes a
time
to visit seniors. Another reason is women’s social participation. Unlike five
decade
Change to a plural noun
decades

The singular noun decade follows a number other than one. Consider changing the noun to the plural form.

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ago, most women have work now,
therefore
, they can see elderly people only when they do not have work. In order to tackle these problems, various measures can be taken.
Firstly
,
g
Add an article
the

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overnment should establish nursing facilities in the cities.
Consequently
,
f
Add an article
a
the

The noun phrase family member seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amily member who
live
Change the verb form
lives

The plural verb live does not appear to agree with the singular subject family member. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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in major cities can access easily, which allow them to visit and look after elderly people.
Secondly
,
g
Add an article
the

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overnment should introduce a law in terms of family
care
leave and all company should accept employee can apply it as their rights. When people can use
this
system, family members and friends can have more
time
spending with their seniors. In conclusion, the problem that family members and friends cannot have enough
time
to spend
time
with their elderly people to take
care
of them comes from various reasons, but
g
Add an article
the

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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overnment can take steps to solve these issues.
Submitted by aiko.miyazaki123 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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