IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The use of the mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so the mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phone #places
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, technology is revolutionising every aspect of life. the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 is one
such
Linking Words
 development. It is believed that the use of the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 is as equivalent to smoking and to be prohibited the usage of mobile devices in public places. I disagree with the statement that, the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 should be banned
instead
Linking Words
 it can be kept in silent mode. Obviously, on one side , it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 causes some adverse effect on people's health. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 thought is the excessive usages of mobile cause radiation that enters the body and can cause cancer like a disease. whereas in smoking the same thing is happening. excessive smoking can result in lung cancer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often argued that in fact
instead
Linking Words
 of prohibiting , masses have the opinion that the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 should be kept in silence, because in a public place it creates disturbances to the other people, especially from the loud ringing tone or from the rough talking.
Next
Linking Words
, looking at the other fact that, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 is essential for communication
moreover
Linking Words
 it is crucial in case of emergency. It can be restricted in
such
Linking Words
 places like petrol pump or some places like radiology or nuclear departments. other places
such
Linking Words
 as devotional spots, while health care checkups can be kept in either silent or vibrant mode so that, it will not cause disturbances to others. To sum up, It is clear that, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage is inevitable in
this
Linking Words
 era.
However
Linking Words
, it's usage can be regulated in certain areas but it cannot be restricted as smoking.
Submitted by Sheeja. on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial
  • social interactions
  • negative impacts
  • banning
  • regulated
  • completely banned
  • education
  • awareness campaigns
  • responsible
  • mobile phone use
What to do next:
Look at other essays: