The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trends. Give your solution for the causes.
Issues related to obesity are frequently discussed these days. It is true that the number of obese kids has risen by 20% during these ten years. In
this
essay, both the causes and effects of these situations will be critically examined and give further
examples and explanations to address this
problem.
The main cause of this
issue is the world has changed a lot from the past, especially in eating habits. Besides
tasting preference, urban activities lifestyles mostly in entrepreneurs or seniors lead to the limited choice of restaurants As a result
, there are several fast food restaurant chains appearing on every single corner of the streets. For example
, in Ari's neighbourhood, you can count there are tons of KFC, Mcdonald's
, Pizza Company, and so on Correct your spelling
McDonald's
instead
of salad stores. All the things mentioned above are the appropriate reasons why we have increasingly found many cases of chubbiness in children.
The primary effects of this
have been and will continue very serious. Firstly
, physical health has been dropped since they are overweight. Kids must inject Insulin into their body for the rest of their life. Furthermore
, getting bad words or bullying from friends can lead to numerous mental illnesses such
as depression, and loss of confidence in themselves.
To conclude
, it appears that there is a variety of causes of these issues for young people and a variety of negative effects. Every parent must be focused on their descendants and keep preventing them from these situations before it is too late to fix
.Correct pronoun usage
fix them
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, discussing both causes and effects as per the task requirements. However, try to expand more on the solutions, as this is part of what the prompt asks for.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly linked to specific examples. For instance, you mention fast food restaurants as a cause; discussing how their marketing towards children affects obesity could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying the sentence structure to maintain the reader’s interest and improving the academic tone.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your essay’s structure. While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could benefit from more clearly delineated topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well by stating the issue and what the essay will cover.
task achievement
You have successfully linked causes to effects, particularly how eating habits and fast food culture contribute to obesity.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...