IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development?

It is true that nowadays an overwhelming majority of youngsters tend to interact
themselves
Change preposition
with themselves
show examples
 by doing some shopping during
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
 time. I think that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend which can cause some inevitable consequences.
To begin
Linking Words
, the main reason for my disagreement is that a number of young people today overuse their rights by spending an enormous amount of money on fashionable items like clothes or accessories.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, their
parents
Use synonyms
 have to compromise with
huge
Correct article usage
the huge
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 expenses of their children.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 some
parents
Use synonyms
 are strict when it comes to their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
, so in
this
Linking Words
 case, the young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have rules to follow.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, if the teenagers are out of control, they can simply spend any amount of money to satisfy their own needs and caprices
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 shopping.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a great illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that the children, who have been spoiled by their
parents
Use synonyms
, tried to manipulate them in order to obtain as much money as possible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping purposes.
Thus
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, it is important that
parents
Use synonyms
 monitor their young children and don't surround them with excessive love or
caress
Fix the agreement mistake
caresses
show examples
. Another reason is that
Linking Words
although
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the young generation is more likely to habitually shop for interaction. Some of them merely try to
superior
Verb problem
be superior
show examples
 by wearing stylish clothes and shoes.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development brings negative elements as other pupils, who may not afford themselves
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 luxurious things, feel
inferiority
Replace the word
inferior
show examples
 among
one's
Check wording
their
show examples
 friends and relatives. A great number of teenagers, in fact, have a feeble habit
to judge
Change preposition
of judging
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appearance rather than by personality. It is not surprising that nowadays young people
orient
Wrong verb form
are oriented
show examples
 to purchase the
Linking Words
last
Use the right word
latest
show examples
 trends even with nothing to have in
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 wallets
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, youth should focus on living without chasing the cutting-edge things, but
more
Correct word order
apply
show examples
value having a firm relationship with their peers
.
Correct word order
more.
show examples
To conclude
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,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
shopping is one of the main aspects of youth's life, I believe that they will deliberately find a productive alternative for
this
Linking Words
 activity in the future.

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task response
Plan your answer in the first part. Say what you will talk about and your view.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph and add a short example or fact to back it up.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words, like First, Next, Also, But, So.
grammar
Check grammar. Some words are wrong. Use 'young people' and 'parents'.
lexical
Use short and clear sentences. Mix short and a few longer ones for flow.
stance
The writer shows a clear view that shopping in spare time can be bad.
arguments
The essay gives many reasons about money, family, and how others feel.
conclusion
The ending hints that things may change in the future.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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