Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.
It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.
The word changed doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.
The word pro-active doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.
It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound subject. Consider removing it.
It seems that there is an article usage problem here.
It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.
It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.
It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.
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Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.
Always start an informal letter in the ways:
- Dear + name
- Hi / Hello + name
‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.
For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:
- Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
- Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.